Darkest night
by Mo-Jansen
Summary: New Moon from EPOV. Why did he decide to leave and what did he do while he was away form Bella? ON HIATUS. Will be continued after reworking and reposting past chaps.
1. Preface

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight. This right is strictly reserved to Stephenie Meyer and I mean no disrespect with this story.**

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Preface

The bell tolled. I closed my eyes and saw her.

My Bella.

My love.

Her face was so clear in my head that it felt like she was right there with me in my last moments on this earth. I felt every cell in my body ache to be with her and I yearned for the release of this pain. Her lovely brown eyes were stern, her mouth pressed into a tight line. She was angry.

"_Don't do this,"_ she begged me in her bright voice.

_I'll be with you soon._

"_Don't!"_ She was furious now, her eyes blazing, her voice harsh.

Overhead the bell tolled again. The heavy chime booming through the alley and out to the square. The sun was at it's peak and I took a large step forward. In my mind I saw the tears forming in her eyes as she yelled at me.

My furious little kitten.

From further away I could hear her screaming.

"No! Edward look at me!"

_I am looking at you. _

_I love you._

I smiled and raised my foot to take the step that would put me into the light and out of my misery.

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A/N: I know this is a very short preface, but I tried to keep as close to New Moon as I could, so this seemed like an appropriate way to start.

I will upload the first chapter a.s.a.p.


	2. Chapter one

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight. All rights are reserved to Mrs. Meyer. **

**I mean no disrespect.**

Chapter one

I could hear Bella's truck approaching. The engine roared unlike any other car in the street. I should really try to convince her to let me buy her a new car, though I knew up front she would never accept it. I smiled and waited for her to turn onto the parking lot.

After six months she was still in love with me and that knowledge was still capable of making me soar.

_She_ wanted _me_.

I was nowhere near capable of leaving her. Despite the daily danger I posed on her life, I couldn't bring myself to tell her goodbye. Not yet. Not while her yes still amazed me every day.

Her face was sad when she drove up, but when her eyes met mine she lit up, wonder clearly visible in her eyes. I sighed in contentment.

_She's going to be a poor sport about today_.

I could see what her vision had shown her and I knew she was right, but I already knew this. I briefly smiled at Alice.

"Told you," I muttered under my breath.

Bella slammed the door to her Chevy truck, causing a handful of rust shatters to fall to the asphalt. She walked slowly towards us and I could see in her face what Alice had already seen in her vision.

Bella had warned me up front that she didn't want to make a fuss about her birthday, but I couldn't keep Alice from planning a party anyway. I grimaced as I thought back about the last discussion on the subject.

"_Come on, Edward. Please?" Alice had asked me._

"_No, Alice. Bella doesn't even want me to congratulate her, a party is out of the question."_

"_Aw, come on kid. Give Alice her fun. The last real birthday we had was mine, and that was in 1935." Emmet interjected._

_I grumbled when Esme walked in, thinking about the party plans they had already discussed._

"_I can't stop you guys, can I?"_

_Alice shook her head and I cold see in her vision that she knew what I was going to say next. I threw up my hands and sighed in exasperation. Bella was going to give me heel for this. I got a bit angry with myself for agreeing to something that would cause discord between us, but there was nothing that I could do about it._

Bella had almost reached us and Alice skipped to her side.

"Happy birthday Bella!"

"Shh," Bella hissed.

Bella's face fell and she quickly looked around the parking lot, probably making sure no one had heard. Alice ignored her, as expected.

"Do you want your presents now or later?" she asked Bella as they walked over to me.

"No presents," she mumbled.

_Not fair!_ Alice thought as she took in Bella's expression.

"Okay..." she said. "Later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed and her sweet breath filled the air. I inhaled deeply, enduring the burn.

"Yeah. They're great." she answered Alice, without too much enthusiasm in her voice.

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once, might as well document the experience."

"How many times have you been a senior?"

Alice shrugged slightly. "That's different."

They were now at my side and I reached out for Bella's hand. She quickly obliged and I softly squeezed hers. The warmth shot through me and left it's familiar, but still amazing, tingle behind. When her eyes met mine, her heart stuttered and I couldn't help but smile. My eyes were pulled to her mouth and I lightly traced the shape of her lips with my free hand.

_Get a room. _Alice teased. I ignored her thoughts, I didn't want to hear her mockery. I got enough of that from Emmet on a daily basis.

"So," I started. "As discussed I'm not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct."

"Just checking." I replied as I ran my hand through my hair. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Every one is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst thing that can happen?"

"Getting older." Bella answered in a slightly shaky voice.

I gritted my teeth. This was exactly what I was expecting and it hurt me more than I imagined, hearing the pain in her voice.

"Eighteen isn't very old,"Alice said. "Don't women usually wait until they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays."

"It's older than Edward." Bella muttered.

I sighed. What was she thinking? What had caused this train of thought? I was even more annoyed with myself for not staying with her tonight than I already was. Going hunting was, of course, important. But right now I wanted nothing more that to have been there when she woke up that morning, To see for myself what had caused this mood.

"Technically, just by one little year though." Alice added in a light voice. "So what time will you be at the house?"

Bella took in Alice's expression and her eyes betrayed her worry.

_Uh oh, this is going to be difficult. You have to help me out here. _Alice peered at me from her peripheral vision.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that are you?"

_Yes she will. _I thought to myself.

"I thought my birthday was about what I want."

I pretended I didn't hear her and turned to Alice. "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school."

"I have to work," Bella reminded us.

_No you don't. You should know better than that, with Alice in charge._

"You don't actually," Alice said. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday'"

"I-I can't come over. I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet_ yet for English."

Alice snorted "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized."

_A little help here, Edward._

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it- that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes. She was relentless, but I loved her for trying to stand her ground. I knew it wasn't easy for her to ignore Alice's pleading eyes.

"You've already seen the movie." Alice accused.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice was fed up and glared at Bella.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other-"

I could see where Alice was headed so I decided it was time to intervene.

"Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So, there" Bella added, relief clearly visible in her eyes.

I fought to keep the smile form my face. She wasn't getting out of it that easily.

"I'll bring her over around seven." I continued. "That will give you more time to set up."

Alice laughed. _Thank you. You're the best brother ever._

"Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun , you'll see."

Alice smiled and her thoughts were spinning with all the things she had planned to do for the party. She lightly kissed Bella's cheek and then headed for her first class. At least Alice was happy. I wasn't too sure about Bella, though.

"Edward, please-"

I stopped her plea by placing my finger against her warm lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

Bella was extraordinarily quiet all morning and I guessed she was trying to figure out ways to get out of her birthday party tonight. I was a bit afraid of what tonight might have in store. Bella had been so tenacious about her birthday.

She had made me promise not to buy her a present. She threatened to refuse it, no matter what it was. I was hurt by that, because I wanted to give her something as a token of my love for her. I had planned on buying her a bracelet, or a necklace, but she didn't want me to spend money on her. When I had asked her why, she had mumbled something about tipping the scales. The sadness in her face made me swallow my questions.

I remembered discussing this problem with Alice. She had suggested I ignored Bella's request and just buy her something I wanted to give her. She expected Bella to cave the second she saw the present, but I refused to go against her wishes.

"Well, she only told you not to _buy_ her something, right?" Alice had eventually asked me.

"Yes."

"Well, give her something you don't have to spend money on."

The answer seemed so simple, but how could I put my love into a present without spending money on it? I had mulled it over that night, while I watched Bella sleep from the rocking chair. While I was thinking I hummed her lullaby to myself and just when I was halfway through, the idea popped into my head. I would give her my lullaby. I would record my music for her. She'd love that.

The day passed in it's regular fashion and around lunch time I had decided to go home with Bella. I wanted to make sure that glum expression that passed over her face every now and again would fade. Besides, if I spent the afternoon with her, she couldn't sneak out to avoid going to the party at my house.

When the last bell had sounded I walked Bella to her car, as usual. I opened the passenger door for her. The clenched her teeth and crossed her arms, her eyes darkened ever so slightly. It was raining and I knew she hated that, but she didn't move to get in the car.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?" she asked, her voice betraying her indignation.

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight..."

"All right." I shut the door and walked over to the other side to open the door on the driver's side. "Happy birthday."

"Shh."

I let her clamber in and then went to the other side to take my place next to her. I was already cringing at the thought of her slow driving. If I had my way, we'd be at her house in mere minutes, but I decided I'd rather let her drive than giving her her way and let her avoid the party. My family would never let me hear the end of it, if I budged on this one. Alice most of all.

I turned my attention to the radio and shook my head. I was glad my brothers and sisters had decided to get Bella a new radio, because this was ridiculous.

"You radio has horrible reception," I muttered. Trying to draw a reaction form her, knowing at the same time that it would be less then four hours until it was replaced.

She frowned. "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." she muttered in a harsh voice. I pressed my lips together.

My furious little kitten. She was so adorable when she was angry, but allowing myself to smile right now, would only make things worse. My hands tingled, wanting to touch her, to smooth away the little pucker between her eyes. I wanted to take her face between my hands and lean in to touch my lips to hers. To feel their soft, silky, warmth. To breathe in her scent, to taste her scent on the back of my tongue.

When she finally parked in front of her house I leaned over and took her face between my hands, forcing myself to treat her a gently as possible. I wanted to make her smile, more than anything else. That look in her eyes made my stomach flip. It made me anxious to see her like this.

"You should be in a good mood, today of all days," I whispered.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood," she asked and I felt her hot breath caress my face.

I lost myself in her eyes.

"Too bad," I murmured.

I leaned in, inhaling her lovely scent and lightly placed my lips against hers. I heard her heart splutter and she deliberately tried to even out her breathing, without too much success. I allowed myself to linger, revelling in the warmth that radiated from her lips into mine. The human inside me longed to pull her closer, to deepen the kiss. But the demon was also lusting for her blood.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and threw herself into the kiss. For less than a second I struggled to remain in control of myself. Bella always seemed to forget how dangerous this was for her, and while it worried me, it also made me feel like the luckiest man on earth. I smiled as I reached back to pull her hands from my neck.

"Be good, please," I whispered against her cheek.

I kissed her lightly and then crossed her arms over her stomach. Her heart was still pounding at a rate that had me worried. The warm scent of her blood swirled in the cab and my throat burned. Nothing I couldn't handle, though.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?" she asked in wonder. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

"I really hope not." I said, unable to hide the smugness I felt. I was thoroughly pleased that I still had this effect on her and that no matter how much time passed, that never changed.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command."

I lay on the couch as Bella started the movie. She sat down in front of me, after she had fast-forwarded the opening credits.

I wondered why she sat there on the edge; why she didn't lay down with me. Instead of asking her, I reached for her waist and pulled her close to me. I remembered that there was a blanket perched on the back of the couch, and I spread it over Bella so she would stay warm.

The entire front of my body was drenched in her warmth and I had to remind myself that this was supposed to be an innocent gesture. My human instincts were urgent, but I repressed them, by concentrating on the movie.

"You know, I 've never had much patience with Romeo."

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked. I could hear she was offended by my comment and I wondered, as always, what she was thinking.

"Well," I answered. "First of all, he's in love with this Rosalind, don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

"Do you want me to watch this alone?"

I slowly traced the length of her arm. "No." I said. "I'll mostly be watching you, anyway. Will you cry?"

"Probably. If I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you, then." I said.

I couldn't help teasing her a little, so I kissed her hair and when I heard her heart stutter I knew I was distracting her. I smiled and started whispering Romeo's words into her ear.

I grinned as she started crying, when Juliet woke and found Romeo dead.

I remembered last spring. Alice and Jasper were waiting for me and Carlisle at the airport in Phoenix. I heard Alice's panicked thoughts before I even saw her.

_Bella has gone to meet James! You have to run, Edward!_

When I reached Alice and Jasper, she quickly filled me in and I rushed out the doors running flat out to reach Bella before James could hurt a hair on her head.

As I ran I thought of what I would do when I was too late. I couldn't live in a world without Bella, not for a day. So I thought of Carlisle's attempts and knew that they wouldn't work. For a moment I thought of asking my brothers to kill me, but discarded the thought almost immediately. They would never do that. Then I remembered the Volturi and I decided I would go to them, when needed.

"I do sort of envy him there." I blurted out as I dried her tears.

"She's very pretty." Bella replied.

What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly believe that I was envious of Juliet! Bella was far more beautiful than the actress on the screen. I grunted in disgust.

"I don't envy him the girl, just the ease of the suicide." I tried to keep my voice teasing, though I was dead serious about it. "You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts..."

"What?" Bella asked, gasping in shock.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew form Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple." I lost the lightness in my voice, but continued unable to stop myself. "I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning...after he realized what he'd become..." I struggled to lighten my tone as I continued. "And he's still clearly still in excellent health."

She twisted in my arms to look at my face.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean, this something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring, when you were...nearly killed." The words ripped through me like a blade. I took a deep breath and pulled her a bit closer, to steady myself. "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

Bella's eyes glazed over momentarily, probably because she remembered that time. She absent-mindedly traced the scar James had left on her hand and then shook her head.

"Contingency plans?"

I internally kicked myself for bringing it up, but I had promised myself a long time ago I would be as truthful with Bella as possible. I stared at the dust motes dancing through the air

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you." _Obviously_, I amended in my head. "I wasn't sure how to do it – I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help...so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

Bella stiffened in my arms.

"What's a Volturi," she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family. A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America – do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember."

Her eyes glazed over again.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," I continued, effectively dragging her from her thoughts. "Not unless you want to die, or whatever it is that we do."

Bella placed her hot hands on my face and held it with all her strength. Her eyes blazed, making it impossible for me to look away.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" Her voice was furious and anxious at the same time.

"I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."

"_Put_ me in danger?!" She fumed, her anger gaining the upper hand. "I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?"

Agony ripped across her face.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked her.

"That's not the same thing."

She still didn't think herself worthy of me and I chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?"

_No!_ I felt a sharp pain ripple through me. It felt like my non existing heart was threatening to rip itself from my chest.

"I guess I see your point...a little," I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed.

"You make it sound so easy." I murmured.

"It should be I'm not that interesting."

I wanted to object, but decided to drop it. The subject was depressing at today should be a happy day for Bella.

"Moot point," I simply said.

I heard the cruiser and Charlie's muted thoughts and I immediately sat up straight. I pulled Bella up and made sure she sat on the other side of the sofa.

"Charlie?"

I smiled at her. I could hear the cruiser pull up. Charlie's thoughts were muffled. He was content and he looked forward to seeing his daughter. And there was something else, close to anxiousness, but I couldn't really make it out.

Bella grabbed my hand and held it tightly, to prove that I wasn't allowed to let go.

Charlie walked in the door, the smell of pizza wafted from the box he was holding.

"He kids." He grinned. "I thought you like a break from cooking and washing dishes, for your birthday. Hungry?"

"Sure. Thanks, dad."

They moved into the kitchen and ate in silence. I remembered I had a job to do and that was get Bella to my house for her party tonight.

When they were done I turned to Charlie.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

I noticed Bella hopeful glance, but the general thought in Charlie's mind was relief. And I guessed I had already won.

"That's fine. The Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So I won't be any kind of company... Here." he said before scooping up the camera he had given her and tossing it at Bella. The second the camera left his hand he realized it was a bad idea.

The camera bounced off the top of Bella's finger and tumbled to the floor. I had expected this and caught the camera before it shattered.

"Nice save." Charlie said. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets, she'll be wanting to see pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I said, handing Bella the camera.

She immediately turned at me and snapped a picture. "It works," she noted.

"That's good." Charlie's face fell a little. "Hey, say hi to Alive for me. She hasn't been over in a while."

"It's been three days, dad," Bella replied. "I'll tell her."

Charlie had grown very fond of Alice and I was glad for it. It made things easier for me and Bella on occasion.

"Okay, you kids have fun tonight." He was halfway turned to the living room, anticipation in his mind. He obviously wanted to get to his game.

I smiled, glad I had won the tugging war with Bella. I took her hand to pull her to the front door.

When we reached her truck I opened the passenger door for her. I wasn't letting her drive twice in one day. I wouldn't be able to bear it. Besides, the darkness didn't limit my eyesight, but it did hers.

She surprised me when she, without arguing, got into the car.

As we headed out of town I urged her truck past it's natural speed limit. The old car groaned in protest, but I kept my foot on the gas paddle.

"Take it easy," Bella muttered.

"You know what you would love?" I asked her, unable to resist the chance to tease her about her car. "A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power..."

I expected Bella to argue and she didn't disappoint.

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive non essentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I promised her.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favour?"

"That depends on what it is."

I sighed, she knew what I was going to ask and still she kept a reservation. She was being unfair and she knew it.

"Bella, the last real birthday any of us had, was Emmet's in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

"Fine, I'll behave."

I remembered that Emmet and Rose were going to be present at the party and I felt guilty for not having said anything about it to Bella before. Rose still wasn't completely passed her petulant jealousy towards Bella, and that was obvious in the way she treated her. And I knew for a fact, that Bella was well aware of it.

"I probably should warn you..." I started.

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited...I do mean all of them."

"Everyone?" Her eyes widened as my words sank in. "I thought Emmet and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmet wanted to be there," I explained.

"But...Rosalie."

Off course she was worried about that.

"I know, Bella, don't worry. She'll be on her best behaviour."

I could almost see what she was thinking in her big eyes. She was contemplating my news and probably didn't really like it. The little pucker appeared between her eyes and I felt the need to erase it, so I changed the subject.

"So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want," she whispered, looking up at me from under her lashes.

I frowned. This was not what I expected my question to lead to. I really didn't want to get into this discussion with her, again. Not today.

"Not, tonight, Bella. Please." I pleaded.

"Well, maybe Alive will give me what I want."

I growled, remembering Alice's vision clearly, and refusing to admit to myself that I wanted to keep her forever. I was not going to take her soul, her life away for her.

"This is not going to be your last birthday, Bella."

"That's not fair!"

She pushed out her lower lip in a sexy little pout. I clamped my teeth together to force myself not to get distracted by the human instincts that resurfaced and begged me to press my mouth to hers and pull her closer to me.

We arrived at the house then, giving me a chance to recollect myself.

A/N: I decided to cut the first chapter of the book in two, so I could get the first part uploaded sooner. I know it's very close to the actual text in New Moon, but that is necessary for the time while Edward and Bella are still together. I'll get more of my own thoughts into the next chapter. I'll update a.s.a.p.

Thank you for everyone who has already reviewed my preface. I hope you all enjoy the first chapter.


	3. Chapter two

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight. All rights are reserved to Mrs. Meyer. **

**I mean no disrespect.**

Chapter two

I heard Bella moan as she took in the decorations. Alice had tried to keep it understated, but being to Bella this probably seemed far too much. She really needed to get used to this, eventually.

I inhaled her scent and my throat burned dully.

"This is a party. Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," she muttered.

I bit back my smile as I walked over to get her door for her. I offered her my hand, helping her out of the car.

"I have a question."

_What is she going to come up with now?_

I waited for her to continue.

"If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?"

She looked so adorable, the way she looked up from under her lashes, somehow afraid I might take offence.

I couldn't contain my laughter and was still laughing when we walked into the house. My parents and siblings welcomed us with a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' and I could feel Bella go rigid as she took in the room. It was completely covered in pink. Pink roses, pink candles and a pink birthday cake. Why did Alice have to buy such a big one? It wasn't like anyone but Bella was going to eat it.

_Why does she look so shocked?_ Alice asked silently.

"What do you think, Alice?" I muttered to low for Bella to hear.

_Oh. Too much pink?_

I look up at the ceiling and then down.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and bent down to kiss her hair. As I inhaled the venom flooded my mouth and I swallowed it back.

_Poor thing, she looks terrified_, Esme noted before she came over to hug Bella.

Carlisle put his arm around her shoulder.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he whispered. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

I caught Rose's eye and noted that she wasn't as openly hostile as she used to be, but it wasn't a whole lot better.

_Take it or leave it, Edward!_ She half snarled at me. I rolled my eyes and attempted to block out my family's thoughts.

Emmet was relaxed as always. He was grinning hugely and I was glad Bella didn't respond to us like other humans, because otherwise she would be running from the display of teeth as fast as her legs would carry her.

"You haven't changed at all," he told Bella in a disappointed tone. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always."

The red in her cheeks got darker. "Thanks a lot, Emmet," she said, making Emmet laugh.

"I have to step out for a second," he said, winking at Alice. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

After Alice had congratulated Bella she towed her to the table with the cake and the gifts.

"Time to open presents," Alice announced in a cheerful voice.

Bella's face fell visibly and I had to struggle to keep from laughing. Of course I knew what her presents were and I was sure she would love the gifts. Eventually.

"Alice, I told you I didn't want anything." Bella started.

"But I didn't listen," Alice interrupted her.

She took the camera from Bella and handed her the first gift.

"Open it," Alice ordered.

I knew the box was empty and Emmet was in fact now making sure that Bella's gift was in place, without a chance of her returning it. So I watched her, prepared to be amused.

And she certainly didn't disappoint. Her brow furrowed when she pulled the paper from the box and she stared at it, not knowing what to think. She looked so adorable I had a hard time not to run to her side and take her up to my room with me. I thought about pulling her close to me and gently kissing her soft lips.

_Stop, right there Edward_. I reminded myself.

Bella had now opened the box, seeing that it was empty she looked even more befuddled than before.

"Um…thanks," she said timidly.

Rose smiled and Jazz laughed.

"It's a stereo for your truck," Jasper explained. "Emmet's installing it right now so you can't return it."

The pucker between Bella's eyes disappeared.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," she said, grinning widely. She probably remembered my remark about her radio.

"Thanks, Emmet!" she yelled, making sure he would hear it.

Emmet's laughter reached into the house, which set off Bella's too. She _really, really, really _was cute. And I wanted to hold her close so badly.

_Maybe… _I mused, letting my mind wander for a second. Then I was interrupted by Alice's stern thoughts.

_Edward, don't you dare ask her to come upstairs! This is a party and I didn't go through all this trouble for you to get her out of here as fast as your feet can carry you._

I bit back my laughter as I saw what Alice had seen. I lightly shook my head back and forth to reassure her that I wouldn't go through with my idea.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice almost yelled at Bella. She was so excited she was almost hopping up and down. Alice held out the package and Bella spun to glare at me.

"You promised," she hissed.

I was about to say something when Emmet came charging through the door.

"Just in time!" he cheered.

Bella was still glaring at me.

"I didn't spend a dime." I told her. I got distracted by a lock of hair that was in her face and brushed it away gently. I could feel my finger burn with need to touch her again, but I decided against it. Bella's heart hammered faster than before, which pleased me and again I only wanted to have her to myself.

Bella drew a deep breath and turned back to Alice.

"Give it to me," she sighed.

Emmet chuckled.

_Bet you ten bucks she'll be blushing after she opens this one and then embarrass herself by kissing you a bit too enthusiastically in front of all of us. _

I wanted to punch him, but reined myself in and waited for Bella to open her present. Bella took it from Alice and rolled her eyes at me.

She stuck her finger under the paper and jerked.

"Shoot," she mumbled before withdrawing her finger and checking it carefully.

I smelled in an instant that she had broken the skin and immediately my throat burst into flames.

_This is going to be bad!_

I less than half a second my own thirst was boasted up by the others in the room and it took all my strength not to jump at Bella and drain her.

Jasper flipped when he smelled the fresh blood and was about to pounce.

"NO!" I yelled at him and threw myself at Bella to defend her, only making the monster in me roar harder, the thirst was raking my throat. I stopped breathing to soothe the burning, but it was intensified by my siblings and Esme, so it barely helped. The only one in the room who's thirst hardly added to mine, was Carlisle.

_Stay calm Edward, keep Jasper away from her, _he thought, calm and deliberate.

In my attempt to keep her safe I had knocked Bella into the table, sending her, the table and it's contents to fall to the floor. The glass plates shattered and Bella, being cursed with the worst luck in the world, landed in the middle of the broken glass.

I felt Jasper crash into me and a thundering sound echoed through the room. I could hear his growl next to my ear and his teeth snapping, but all I could think about was Bella.

She had tried to break her fall by catching the blow with her hands, but she crashed straight into the shards of crystal that were scattered al over the floor and her thin skin was pierced, making her blood flow quickly out of her arm.

_O, god. Bella, I'm sorry._

I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't use my breath to speak. I was holding on to my strength for dear life in order to keep her safe.

Emmet had grabbed Jasper from behind to restrain him, but he was still thrashing wildly, focused on Bella and the blood that was dripping from her arm.

Bella now looked up at us, dazed by the whole situation. In the mirror of her big brown eyes I could see my family. The monsters that we were, were clearly visible and I felt repulsed to my core.

_Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

_A/N: I know this chapter is short, but I thought it best to stick to the chapter end from New Moon._


	4. Chapter three

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately so, own nothing. All I can do is dream. Rights reserved to the wonderfull Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

Chapter three

Every ones thoughts were a mess, beyond words. Multiple thirsts raked up and down my throat. I was starting to lose control.

Jaspers mental hisses and growls were deafening and I had to fight the urge to cover my ears. Carlisle was the only one who's thoughts were calm and collected.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," he ordered

_Keep it together Edward_, He urged.

"Come on, Jasper." I heard Emmet say.

I heard Jaspers struggle against Emmett's grip behind me. I held my breath, growling in warning as I hovered over Bella, taking a protective stance.

Emmettf was wrestling Jasper to the open door, which Esme was holding open. I could hear she wasn't breathing, just like the others.

Rosalie's smug thoughts entered my mind._ Guess I was right huh, Edward? It's not safe for her to be around us. It's not natural to throw a party for our intended prey._

I forced myself to ignore her and I concentrated on Bella's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme said as she followed the others out the door.

The room was quiet, but I could still hear the others outside.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle whispered.

I didn't move.

_You can trust me, Edward. You know I've dealt with this kind of thing before. She's bleeding. I need to treat the wound. Let me pass._

I slowly nodded and moved aside to give Carlisle space.

I watched him kneel down beside Bella and lean closer to examine the wound. I could see Bella struggle to compose her face.

I held my breath, so I wouldn't feel the burning thirst, but it also prevented me from telling her how sorry I was for putting her in danger, again. I was revolted with myself and I was trying to think of a way to keep Bella safe.

Alice came back into the room with a towel in her hands.

_Edward, why is Bella's future all of a sudden clouded in uncertainty?_

I shook my head lightly. I didn't want to talk about it while I wasn't certain what I was going to do.

Alice handed Carlisle the towel. "Here, Carlisle."

Carlisle shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound."

He gripped the table cloth and tore off a strip of fabric. As he twisted it on Bella's arm to make a tourniquet I could see Bella's face whiten and her eyes widen.

See looked like she was about to faint and I knew it was because of the smell of her flowing blood and again I wished I was able to breathe to tell her everything would be fine.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital or would you like me to take care of it here?"

I already knew her answer before she said it. She would do anything from keeping this from her father and when Carlisle took her to the hospital the news would surely reach Charlie.

"Here, please," she whispered.

Just like I expected.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said before she darted from the room.

I heard her rush upstairs to get Carlisle's bag and a light for him to work under.

Carlisle turned to me. "Let's take her to the kitchen table."

_I need your help with that._ He added.

I lifted Bella off the floor, while Carlisle kept the pressure on her wounds.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked, noting the paleness of her skin and the uneven thumping of her heart.

"I'm fine."

_Liar!_Both Carlisle and I thought at the same time.

Alice was already at the table when we walked in. She had placed Carlisle's bag and the lamp on the table.

I placed Bella in a chair and Carlisle took the other. I leaned over her, scared to leave her alone, even though I trusted Carlisle fully.

"Just go, Edward," Bella muttered.

"I can handle it," I replied, using up most of my air supply.

The bloodlust was slowly tearing down my defence and the monster roared loudly.

"You don't need to be a hero," Bella said. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

She was already trying to let me off the hook. Why was she so damn forgiving? I didn't deserve her, tonight was proof enough.

She winced when the injection needle pierced her skin.

"I'll stay," I insisted.

She looked annoyed now.

"Why are you such a masochist," she muttered.

I would've laughed under any other circumstances, but nothing seemed funny now. Not after I have put the one I loved in danger. Not when tonight was the best example of why we shouldn't be together.

"Edward," Carlisle interjected. "You may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

Bella's face lit up slightly. "Yes. Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.

Her thoughts had been so quiet that I almost forgot she was in the room. I felt cornered and my strength to fight my inner demon was wavering.

I nodded and sprinted out of the room. I was running flat out before I hit the trees.

_Cut Jazz, some slack_. Alice called after me in her thoughts.

"We'll see," I muttered. She wouldn't be able to hear it, but I didn't care.

I picked up Jasper's scent and ran after it. As the seconds passed the revulsion I felt turned into pure rage.

How could he?! He tried to kill the girl I loved. A red haze drew up my eyes and I started growling when I heard his thoughts.

_O god! What did I do? _

_Why can't I control myself?_

_What did I DO?_

_Edward should just kill me now._

When the last sentence ran through my head the red haze vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

I could also hear Rosalie and Emmett, who were at his side attempting to calm him down. I knew it was practically an impossible thing to do, because I felt the waves of self loathing, horror and guilt filling the air, so they must feel it too.

"Stop it Jasper. You didn't even touch the girl! Stop blaming yourself for something that didn't even happen," Emmett told him in a threatening voice.

I decided it was time for me to step in and talk to Jasper, alone.

"Em, Rose, would you please give me and Jasper a chance to talk privately?" I asked, straining to keep my voice even.

"I don't think so Edward. We won't go out of hearing distance. I don't want to risk losing a brother," Emmett told me.

I could see my face in all their minds and I realized it was better this way. I wasn't nearly calm enough to handle Jasper all by myself and I would hate myself if I did anything wrong.

The raging guilt from Jasper was starting to affect me immensely and within the next couple of minutes I was consumed by it.

"Jasper, could you please get a hold on yourself. I already feel guilty enough myself, you're making it ten times as strong," I muttered.

"But, I wanted to drink her blood, Edward! I wanted to kill the girl you love! I feel so horrible about this. I won't go back. I can't go back. I can't ever face her again. She will never forgive me. She should never forgive me, and neither should you."

"Jazz, calm down damn it. You're starting to panic and it's driving me crazy."

"Sorry. I'm so sorry, Edward. You'll tell Bella won't you? Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I'll never do that to her again."

"I will," I told him, although I wasn't at all sure whether I would.

"I'll leave, tonight. You and Bella deserve happiness. You two need to be able to see each other without being afraid I'll hurt her."

Jasper's face was tormented and I could still feel all that he felt and in that instant all my anger towards Jasper was replaced by anger towards myself.

Jasper was willing leave, to give us a chance at happiness. He was stronger that I was. I had tried so many times to leave Bella, but I never had been strong enough. But as Jasper continued apologizing my decision started to take form.

I would leave.

She would never be in danger of any of us again. I had to be strong enough. She deserved a _normal_, human life, with a normal, _human_ man.

I saw it in my mind, as I had when I had finally admitted to myself that I loved her. She was walking down the aisle, dressed in white, on her father's arm. She would have a warm, loving man waiting for her and she would be happy. She would have a family. Children. She would live a long and happy life without interference of me or my family. It was the only right way.

She would forget about me eventually. Hopefully she wouldn't resent me and over time think back to our time together without regret. I hoped that, in time, she would be grateful that I left her when I did. I hoped that she would eventually see that this was for the best.

Alice came to find us then. She had dragged the other's with her.

"Edward, you know this isn't necessary. I will go with Jasper. You don't have to leave her," she whispered.

I could see the pain in her eyes and her mind was snarled with regret and grief for losing her best friend. She was in pain as she saw Bella's future twist and turn. It was completely uncertain now.

"It's better this way, Alice," I murmured, not quite able to look her in the eye.

"Edward, you love Bella. You can't stop loving her and you know it. You'll be miserable," Esme said quietly.

"I don't care about that. All I care about is that Bella is safe and has a chance to be happy in a human way."

Esme shook her head. "What makes you think she'll be happy without you?"

"I'm sure she'll get over it. She's human, her memories will fade."

"You will devastate her, Edward," Alice pleaded.

I shook my head fiercely.

"NO!," I half growled. "She will be fine. It might take her a couple of weeks, months maybe, but she'll get over it. She will just have to."

"Come on Edward, who knows what kind of trouble she'll get herself into while we're gone. Without you there, she might not live long enough to forget you," Emmett added.

I growled and turned to smack him, but he somehow dodged me.

"Everyone just shut up!" I snarled.

The silence was almost deafening.

"We should get back. Carlisle will finish in a couple of minutes. Jazz, stay here. I'll come get you when we've cleaned the blood up," Alice whispered.

I pinched the bridge of my nose when I heard her silent plea and shook my head.

"We'll talk about it tonight, after I get back from Bella's."

They all nodded, but the mood was definitely solemn.

"We'll stay with Jasper," Rosalie murmured.

I nodded and started running back to the house.

I kept pace with Alice and Esme. I wasn't in a hurry to see Bella for once. I already felt a sharp pain ripple through my chest at the mere thought of leaving her and I wanted to brace myself before seeing her face again. I needed to keep my resolve from her until I was ready to tell her what I had decided, so I carefully composed my expression on my way back to the house.

* * *

_A/N: It took a little time to get this chapter the way I wanted it. I hope it was worth the wait. Please let me know what you think._


	5. Chapter four

Disclaimer: All rights are, as always, reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

Chapter four

When we reached the house I could hear Carlisle's calm voice. He was telling Bella the story of my change.

My first instinct was to stop him, but seeing his memories of my mother and me stopped me. I had heard this story many times before, but hearing Carlisle tell it to the girl I loved somehow was different. Bella's expression was a mix of interest and awe and her eyes were only halfway focused on Carlisle. I imagined she was trying to picture it all. I almost smiled, but with everything that happened tonight I just couldn't.

Her blouse was covered in blood and frosting and she was almost as pale as the rest of us. I was relieved that she hadn't passed out due to the smell of blood, but seeing her that pale, covered in gore only strengthened my decision to leave.

I had no right to stay with her. I had taken her away from her normal life and kept her in the shadows with me. I had no right to do that to her and I would make it right. I would give her a chance at a new beginning.

"I wasn't sorry, tough," I heard Carlisle say. "I've never been sorry that I saved Edward."

His thoughts for Bella were gentle and loving, almost like she was one of his daughters. For a brief second I wavered, but then I caught sight of the blood on her shirt and pushed my doubts aside.

"I suppose I should take you home now," Carlisle told Bella.

I decided to make my presence known.

"I'll do that," I said as I walked into the room.

Bella was carefully checking my face, looking for some sign that I was out of control. That side of me, at least, was under control, but she noticed that there was something I was hiding from her. It was clearly visible in her eyes that she knew, but I couldn't tell her. Not now.

"Carlisle can take me," she offered in a strained voice. She looked down at her gory shirt.

"I'm fine," I said flatly. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I walked out the door, in order to get Alice. She was already there.

_I know. I'll find something that'll work._

_Are you sure, Edward?_

I shook my head.

"He's very upset," I heard Bella say.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

"It's not his fault." It almost sounded like she was trying to convince _me._

"It's not yours either."

Through Carlisle's thoughts I could see Bella averting her eyes. He offered her his hand and led her out to the family room.

Esme had already been cleaning up the mess. Trying to rid the room of the smell of blood with straight bleach.

"Esme, let me do that," Bella offered, red faced.

What was she thinking? She couldn't possibly feel guilty about what happened. It was not her fault, so she shouldn't blame herself.

"I'm already done. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. Carlisle sews faster than any doctor I've ever had."

Carlisle and Esme chuckled, but all I could think was that her instincts were still wrong.

Alice and I went into the front room. Alice flitted to Bella's side, but I couldn't. Something was holding me back. There was already a part of me that was attempting to create a distance between us and it hurt.

It hurt bad.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear."

They went to Esme's and Carlisle's room to find a blouse to replace Bella's.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Carlisle?"

"Are you all right son?"

"We have to leave. We'll talk about it later tonight."

"All right," he breathed.

I strained to listen to what Bella and Alice were talking about. I had been too preoccupied, so I missed the first part, but I heard it now.

"How's Jasper?"

"He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak," Alice replies with a sigh.

"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"

"Of course."

Silly, too forgiving, Bella.

I had wandered over to the front door and waited for her there. When she came down I opened the door for her, not able to find my voice just yet.

"Take your things!" Alice cried.

She took the unopened packages and Bella's camera and put them in Bella's good arm.

"You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

My parents hugged Bella goodbye, eyeing me warily, much like she was.

Don't make any rash decisions, Carlisle pleaded silently.

Bella hurled herself passed the decorations outside. I stayed at her side and reached out to open the passenger door for her, when we reached her truck.

From the corner of my eyes I saw her pull the bow off her new radio as I walked to the other side. She kicked it under the seat as I got in.

I was still struggling to find a way to tell her how sorry I was for this mess. How angry I was with myself for putting her in danger, but nothing came to mind.

The silence was uncomfortable and it got worse when I started the truck and drove it down the lane.

"Say something," Bella suddenly begged.

"What do you want me to say?"

She flinched at my cold tone. "Tell me you forgive me."

What?

"Forgive _you_? For what?" I asked, stunned that she actually blamed herself for what happened.

Always the wrong instincts. She should be angry or scared, but not my Bella. She was too self-sacrificing for her own good.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut-that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault."

She was out of her mind! Her attempt to take the blame was ludicrous. If I had been revolted with myself before, I was truly disgusted to my core now.

"You're fault?!" I half snarled at her. "If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and you other normal friends, the worst that could have possibly happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of plates on your own, without someone throwing you into them, even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up-and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she asked with venom in her voice.

I felt sick to my stomach, but I had to say it.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation, because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with."

"I would rather die, than be with Mike Newton. I would rather die, than be with anyone but you."

I violently kicked back the part of me that rejoiced at her statement.

"Don't be melodramatic, please," I told her.

"Well then, you don't be ridiculous."

I didn't know how to respond. I tried desperately to find a way to lift my spirits. I wanted her to forget whatever little she could about tonight. It didn't feel right to let her go to sleep while we had been arguing.

I couldn't find a way. I was still stuck in the horror of the evening that lay behind us. I could have lost her tonight. She could have been killed. She was in a house full of vampires and she had been bleeding.

We arrived at her house and I killed the engine. I was still stuck, looking for my voice.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked, breaking the strained silence.

"I should go home."

I needed to convince the others that now was the time to leave.

"For my birthday," she urged.

That little remark distracted me enough to allow me to get a bit of my better mood back.

"You can't have it both ways, either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

Bella blew out heavily, obviously relieved by my lighter tone.

"Okay. I've decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

I frowned as she hopped out and turned to take her gifts.

"You don't have to take those." I muttered.

"I want them," she responded without thinking.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live." She put the presents under her good arm and slammed the door shut. I hurried to her side, not taking the time to look human.

Charlie wasn't paying attention to us. He was actually avoiding to look out the window on purpose. I couldn't make out his exact thoughts, but they hinted in the direction that he wanted to respect our privacy.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said as I took the packages from her. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled and her eyes warmed. "Thanks."

How could I resist those eyes? "Happy birthday," I breathed before I leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips.

When I pulled back, Bella reached up on her toes to make it last longer. I smiled before I turned to the darkness. I was at her window within seconds and as I slipped into her room I heard her shut the door behind her.

"Bell?" Charlie asked.

"Hey, dad"

"How was it?"

"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, presents-the whole bit."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"What did they get you?"

"A stereo for my truck."

I smiled slightly.

Right, she didn't even get around to opening her other presents. My mind went back to the beginning of the evening. It had all started out just fine. She had actually accepted her first gift without too much of a fuss. But within the next thirty seconds, I was struggling to keep her alive and that's how it always would be.

I would always have to be careful with her. There would always be a sword hanging over her head as long as she was with me. She was constantly in danger.

I heard Charlie ask about Bella's arm and she answered that she'd tripped. I shook my head. She shouldn't have to lie to her father. She shouldn't be come home damaged.

I could hear through Charlie's muffled thoughts that he was worried about her. He knew his daughter well and he noticed something off about her, but he didn't have the courage to ask. Afraid that she might take offence.

Guilt ripped through me again. If anything where to happen to Bella, it would surely kill Charlie. He would be absolutely devastated. Yet another reason for me to leave. Charlie loved his daughter more than anything and I shouldn't keep her from a safe, normal, happy life. For his sake as much as for hers.

Bella was in the bathroom now and I listened to her hurried movements. She should be more careful; she was probably hurting her arm in her hurry to get to me.

I sighed, playing with one of the gifts and listening to her brush her teeth and her bouncing steps back to her room.

She opened the door and her soft eyes looked me over for a second.

"Hi," I said and my voice sounded sad, even to me.

She walked over, put the packages aside and crawled onto my lap. I felt her warmth crash over me in waves and her mouth watering scent wrapped all around me.

"Hi," she responded as she cuddled closer to my chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

_This is different._

"Where did the enthusiasm come form?"

"You made me curious."

She picked up the present from my parents. The scene from earlier that evening flashed before my eyes and I took it from her.

_No more paper cuts tonight, please._

I tore off the paper and handed her the box.

She scowled at me. "Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?"

I ignored her question and waited for her reaction to the gift. She read the text, but it took her a minute to process what it was.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she asked, clearly exited about the prospect.

I almost snorted at her response. Why on earth had she made me promise not to spend money on her, when she so clearly loved this present?

"That's the idea," I said instead.

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it." I mused for a second and frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

I had even prepared a way to convince her to accept it, but it wasn't necessary.

"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

I chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

She put the tickets aside and picked up my gift. I took it, like I had with the first and unwrapped it before handing it back to her.

She stared at the blank CD, completely mystified.

"What is it?" she asked.

I decided it would be better to just show her, so I took the CD from her and placed it in de CD player on her bedside table. I hit play and we waited for the music to start.

* * *

_A/N: The farewell-scene is dooming on the horizon and I must say that I'm already anxious. I cried a lot when I read it the first couple of times so I am starting to get nervous. I just hope I can portray Edwards side of this heartbreaking moment correctly._


	6. Chapter five

Disclaimer: All rights are, as always, reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

Chapter five

Bella's lullaby drifted through the room and her heartbeat made the melody even sweeter. I looked at her beautiful face to see what she thought of it. She was quiet, thoughtful. When tears welled up in her eyes I immediately worried. The smell of the anaesthetic was almost entirely gone now, so she was probably in pain.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously.

She shook her head lightly. "No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

She stopped talking and listened intently, subconsciously cocking her head slightly to the side.

"I didn't think you'd let me buy you a piano so I could play for you here," I told her.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?"

I didn't believe that it wasn't bothering her, so I had to ask again.

"Just fine."

She was such a bad liar.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she insisted, but I disregarded her statement and slid her off my lap to get it for her.

"Charlie," Bella hissed when I was at the door.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Charlie wasn't aware that I stayed over regularly, but there had yet to be a day - or night - that I was too slow for Charlie to catch me. I had to hide in Bella's closet more times than I cared to admit and not once had I been even close to getting detected by her father.

"He won't catch me," I promised and darted out the door.

I quickly grabbed the painkillers and filled a glass with water, before heading back to Bella's room. I was back in time to catch the door and close it softly.

I handed her the pills and the glass, half expecting her to complain that she didn't need them, but for once she didn't.

"It's late," I murmured.

I bent down to lift Bella off the bed and pull back the covers. I laid her down gently and tucked the blanket around her, before laying down next to her and wrapping my arm around her fragile frame.

She put her head on my shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome."

We were both quiet then, listening to her lullaby, which was drifting to a close. I wondered what she was thinking about, as always, but then got lot in my own thoughts.

My resolve had been strong when I was outside with Jasper and later when I could see her bloody shirt. Now that I was here, enveloped in her warmth and her wonderful smell, I wavered.

My selfish side wanted to stay right here, with her, for all eternity. I loved her and she loved me. I was happy with her, where before I had merely been contented. She was the brightest light to ever shine on my endless night and I couldn't imagine how I should endure my half-life without her.

But I was wrong for Bella. I was a constant threat to her life and that I couldn't live with. I couldn't keep on hurting her. I needed to protect her from myself; give her a chance to discover a life without me.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered not long after Esme's song started playing.

I hesitated. I couldn't tell her we were going to leave. Not yet.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually," I told her instead, which wasn't exactly a lie.

"Remember how I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" she quickly changed the subject.

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking, since it's my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight," I accused her.

"Yes, I am." Her mouth turned down into an attractive pout. "But please, don't do anything you don't want to do."

I laughed. How wrong and right she was at the same time. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."

As I cupped her chin in my hand I realized that I had sounded more desperate than I should have, but I couldn't help myself. This was one of the last nights I would be with her like this and it scared me to death, no pun intended.

I kissed her, slow at first, but as the awareness of what my decision entailed grew, I threw caution to the wind for once. I twisted my hand in her silk locks and held her securely to me as I increased the intensity of our kiss. Suddenly desperate to feel her, to taste her, to smell her, to prove to her how much I loved her, I allowed my desire for her body to take over.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed herself closer to me. Her heart thrumming like a hummingbird's.

When she pressed herself even closer to me, a mental image I hadn't seen in a while came to me. Bella, pale, lifeless in my arms. It was the vision Alice had when I first came across Bella and I immediately pulled back, gently but firm. I couldn't afford to lose control with her like this.

Bella's head fell back onto her pillow, her chest heaving due to the lack of air.

"Sorry," I said, still breathless from our intense kiss. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind," she panted.

I frowned. She really had no sense of self-preservation. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again," she countered.

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?"

"It's a tie." I smirked and then added seriously, "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she agreed curtly and snuggled into my chest, pressing her injured arm against my shoulder.

I smiled to myself. It didn't bother her, huh? Who was she trying to kid?

I just listened to her steady heart beat and her breathing. Right before she fell asleep her breath hitched and she shuddered. I wondered what she was thinking about, but I didn't want to keep her awake any longer, so I didn't ask.

I waited until Bella was completely taken over by sleep before I carefully slipped my arm out from under her and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep well, my angel. I'll be back before you wake. I love you," my voice broke when I whispered the last words and I had to hold back my sobs so she wouldn't wake.

As I ran back to our house I allowed my pain to flow. I cried without tears, choking on my sobs. I was halfway home when running was impossible and I fell to my knees on the forest floor. I curled up into a ball and felt my dead heart being torn open. My breath caught and I couldn't inhale properly and I was glad I didn't need the air.

I took me at least half an hour before I was able to calm down enough to get to my feet and run home. When I arrived my family was waiting for me outside. Esme was at my side in a blink and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Whatever you decide, Edward, we'll be here for you," she whispered. She looked so sad already and I figured Alice would have seen us leaving.

I nodded and allowed myself to sob into her shoulder for a while. She rubbed soothing circles on my back and waited patiently for me to get myself together. The minds of my family were unusually quiet. Almost if they were trying to calm me down with their thoughts as Esme was trying to calm me down by holding me close.

I pulled back from Esme's embrace and looked at my family. "We need to talk," I said, my voice rough with the emotions I felt.

"Let's go inside," Carlisle said, gesturing for my siblings to go inside.

We all sat in our usual seats at the dining table and every one waited for me to start talking. I took a few deep breaths and looked at Carlisle and Esme.

"We have to leave. Bella is not safe with us around. Tonight was proof enough of that. She can't even open a birthday present without getting in mortal danger," my eyes flashed briefly at Jasper and I knew he felt my resentment, but I couldn't find it in myself to keep it under control. "I think it's best if we leave. We start packing tonight and leave as soon as we've found a place to stay."

"Son, are you sure?" Carlisle asked, putting his hand over mine.

"It's the only way. Bella deserves a normal life. She is too good for me, she deserves someone better that can really make her happy."

"Edward, you can't believe that. You know how much she loves you. You can't seriously believe that she's better off without you," Alice said fiercely.

"No, Alice. You're wrong. She will be better off without me, without any of us."

"And what about the other threats in her life? You said it yourself she is a magnet for danger. Something else is bound to happen to her, and then we won't be around to keep her safe."

"Alice, before she came to Forks, she has broken a bone or two at most, maybe had a few concussions. When we're gone she'll be safe. Chief Swan will take care of her."

"What if he can't, Edward?! What do you think will happen to Chief Swan? He would die if he lost her again, Edward!"

Alice had jumped up from her seat and was shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"Alice, I say we leave. I'll ask her to keep herself safe. She will be more careful if I ask her to do that."

"Gah! You can't be serious. How did you think that would go? Will you check in to see if she complies to your stupid request? And what if she doesn't get a choice in the matter? What if she is trying to be careful, but fate decides that there will another truck accident, like the one you saved her from?"

"Stop it, Alice! I am serious! The most danger she's been in last year, besides Taylor's van, was caused by vampires! First me, then Rose and Jasper after I saved her, then James, Victoria and Laurent and then tonight Jasper again! The chance that she'll be safer without us, is a hell of a lot bigger!"

"Alice, Edward, please calm down. Jasper a little help please," Carlisle said quietly.

I felt the wave of calm from Jasper and snarled, glaring at him. The wave got stronger and I was unable to fight it off. I felt my anger fade slowly and was left with a hollow feeling. Alice sat down again and she apologized to me mentally. I nodded in acknowledgement and waited for Carlisle to speak.

"Edward, if you are sure we will leave." He raised his hand to stop Alice form interjecting. "You know we all love Bella as family. We will miss her, but I am sure that our loss won't be as bad as yours. She is your soul mate and I cannot fathom how this must affect you. I want to urge you to think about it for a few more days. Don't let the heat of the moment make the decisions for you. Try to cool down, think it over and then see if it's still the best way."

I shook my head. "Carlisle, please. Don't try to talk me out of this. It's what's best for Bella. She deserves a happy life. She's human and not only that, she has the warmest, most loving soul I have ever encountered. She is good to the core and I had no right to reach out and grab her. It doesn't matter how much I love her. Bella deserves something better than the life I can give her."

"Edward," Rosalie said tentatively.

"Yes, Rose?"

"I think you are right. I know it must be killing you, but I think you are making the right decision," she whispered.

"Thank you Rosalie."

"So this is it then?" Alice, asked defeated.

"Yes," said simply.

"We need to discuss how we are going to handle this. I can tell the hospital that I got a job offer somewhere else and that it was a now or never deal. We will find a place to stay and start packing immediately after we've decided where to go." Carlisle waited for me to respond, but I couldn't find my voice.

"Edward, I think it's best you and Alice go to school with Bella, for a couple more days, so we have little more time to arrange the move," he continued.

"No, Carlisle. I think it's better if we say goodbye now. I don't want to make it worse than it is," I interjected.

"No, Edward. You cannot run away from her tonight. She deserves a proper goodbye," Esme told me sternly. "She will be hurt enough, don't make it that much worse by abandoning her without a proper explanation. She deserves that much."

"But, Esme, It'll be worse if she gets a big farewell scene with all of us."

"I wasn't talking about all of us, Edward. I meant that she deserves a proper goodbye from you."

"Okay. I can do that. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"No, not tomorrow. We need a few days to move. You know that. If you tell her tomorrow she'll most likely drive up here to talk to you. I think it's best if we're already gone, when you tell her," Esme said apologetically.

"Alice?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"I think it's best if you didn't come back to school. Jasper needs to get out of here and you and I both know he won't go anywhere if you won't come with him."

"I don't get to say goodbye to Bella?" she asked, shocked, pained.

"No. A clean break is better."

"We're not talking about a broken bone, Edward," she spat through gritted teeth.

"Alice, please. It's going to be hard enough to say goodbye to her without you there."

"What will you tell her? She won't let you go if you say it's for her protection. She'll come to find us."

"I have thought about that. I'll tell her I don't love her anymore."

Alice snorted in disgust. "Do you really believe she'll just accept that?"

"No. I think it'll take me a while to make her doubt my love for her enough for me to say goodbye, but I have to try."

"You are insane! Come on Jazz. We are apparently leaving tonight. Maybe we'll go up to Denali."

Alice threw me one last dirty look and in her mind she was crying for losing her best friend. The pain I had felt earlier ripped through me again, leaving me breathless. It wasn't just me I was hurting. I would hurt my entire family. I would hurt Bella and that was the worst part of it all.

"Edward, go to Bella. We'll talk about details later. I'll try to calm Alice down and we'll start getting ourselves ready." Carlisle said, patting me on my shoulder.

I was out the door and running back to my love within two seconds. I ran faster than normal. I needed to feel her in my arms. Needed to hear her talking in her sleep. I needed her to keep me from falling apart until I was no longer able to come back to her.


	7. Chapter six

Disclaimer: All rights are, as always, reserved to Stephenie Meyer.

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Chapter six

I quietly slipped through her window and laid down beside her, snaking my arm around her waist. It felt so right to be here with her. She fit perfectly into my body and as long as I was with her I felt whole. I felt I was twice the man I had been before I knew her. She had made me come to life in a way that I had never thought possible. Thanks to this glorious creature in my arms, I finally discovered what it was that my family shared amongst each other. What it meant to love someone.

But reaching out and making her mine, was something I should never have done. I drew Bella in, when I had no right to do so. I took away her only chance on a normal life when I pursued her and now I would have to hurt her to keep her safe.

I remembered the day that I told her those exact words. We were in the cafeteria and I had just learned that Bella thought she cared more for me than I did for her. I tried to convince her of the opposite with those words, but it had backfired then. She had gotten angry with me, countering that she would do the same.

I sighed at the memory. If only I could go back in time, to our first encounter. I would have insisted we moved then. I would've run from her, to keep her safe. To never allow her to fall for me.

Bella rolled over in my arms, snuggling into my chest then. "Edward..." she breathed, still unconscious. "I love you."

I smiled and pressed my lips to her hair. "As I love you," I murmured and pulled her a little tighter to me, basking in her warmth, listening intently to her quiet breathing and her steady heart beat. The music that was my life now. The music I could not take with me.

I glanced at the clock and noticed that it wouldn't be long before my beautiful Bella would wake. I needed to get my guard up. I could not let her see the pain I was feeling. I should try to start forming a minute distance between us. Maybe it would telling her goodbye a little easier. Maybe, if I created an infinite amount of distance between us, she would believe me sooner when I told her I didn't love her any more.

_When did I decide to tell her that?_

I didn't remember, but it seemed to make perfect sense now. If I couldn't make her believe that I didn't love her anymore, then maybe she would accept my absence sooner. She would get over me quicker.

Bella's alarm went off, and my angel grumbled before turning over and slamming down on it. She sat up, groggily and hurried through her morning routine.

I sat on her bed, waiting for her to return, thinking of a way to make the approaching days easier.

_Like that'll happen, Edward! You were already falling apart yesterday, do you think it'll get better._

Just thinking about my task at hand tore at my non existing heart. I knew the pain was clearly visible in my face and I had to regain control of my emotions so I could face these next couple of days with Bella.

When she returned to the room, smelling of her strawberry scented shampoo and looking positively gorgeous, I felt myself waver.

_No! No, Edward! You are going to do this! You'll leave and she will get over you eventually and move on to someone better, safer. Someone who really deserves her and is able to give her all she wants and needs._

I kept my expression smooth as I quickly kissed her on her forehead, before jumping out her window and running home as fast as I could.

I was aware of the fact that Bella had looked concerned, but I hadn't been able to dispel the pain that the outlook of leaving her caused me. It was all I could bear to keep up a remote expression, feigning any enthusiasm or even a smile was a little too much to ask.

When I arrived home I was in no mood to speak, or listen, to anyone so I immediately ran up to my room, changed and jumped in my car in order to drive back to school. When I looked in the rear-view-mirror I saw Alice standing at the front door with a devastated look on her face. I gritted my teeth and shoved the image of her face to the back of my mind. It had been her husband that had made it perfectly clear why Bella shouldn't be with me and although I knew I didn't hold him responsible, I couldn't help but resent him, even if it was just a little.

I was in the parking lot, listening intently for Bella's truck when I heard Mike Newton's ridiculous thoughts.

_Cullen's looking grumpy. Hah! I hope he messed up with Bella. Maybe she's angry with him. Would serve the annoying__ piece of shit right though._

I glared at him and he turned his full attention to Taylor who was walking beside him, babbling about some random movie they were going to see.

The rumble of Bella's truck pulled my attention away from Newton and I waited for her to drive onto the lot.

I walked over to her and opened her door for her.

"How do you feel?" I asked, although I could clearly see in her face that she was in pain.

"I'm fine," she said, but then she winced when she slammed the door shut.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Would this girl ever learn to stop trying to be brave? She should eventually allow herself to show some form of weakness. It was only natural.

I remained distant throughout the day. I occasionally asked her about her arm, but she never said anything other than 'I'm fine'. I resisted the urge to scream at her to tell me the truth and just retreated into myself.

At lunch Bella finally realized Alice wasn't in school at all.

"Where's Alice?" she asked anxiously.

"She's with Jasper," I replied, looking down at the disgusting piece of food I was mangling while I spoke. Anything to keep from seeing the worry and hurt in her eyes. I mentally scoffed at that. I had never, since the first day I'd known her, wanted to avoid her eyes. It wasn't just the fact that I could see too much of her emotions in her eyes, but she could see too much in mine.

"Is he okay?" she continued.

Only Bella would ask if the vampire who almost killed her, was okay.

"He's gone away for a while." _At least he will in a few days._

"What? Where?"

I shrugged. "Nowhere in particular," I lied.

"And Alice too?" she asked quietly. Her low voice didn't hide the desperation behind her words, though.

"Yes." I answered coolly. "She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." _That is actually a good idea._

I asked her about her arm again and she glared at me.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she spat, disgusted.

When I didn't answer she put her head on the table. I looked away, blocking out the thoughts around me, especially the ones coming from Newton.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. I was hanging onto my sanity by my fingernails and I was more than glad that school was over. The silence between me and Bella was killing me, but I knew I couldn't make it better by saying something. I might lose my carefully composed expression and then she would know too much.

_I love you. I'll miss you._

I chanted the words in my head over and over again as I walked her to her car.

"You'll come over later tonight?" she suddenly asked me, dragging me out of my miserable thoughts.

"Later?" I asked, surprised. Did she suspect something was up? Why shouldn't I come over right away?

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," I said lamely.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to."

"I always want you," she said intensely.

I knew that she did. Of course I did and it made it all so much worse. So much harder.

_I love you. I'll miss you._

"All right, then," I said and even to me my voice sounded far to cool, too distant.

I leaned in to kiss her forehead and stalked off to my car. I felt like a cad for not kissing her on the lips, for not proving to her that I loved her, but I had a part to play. I needed to convince her somehow that my decision was for the best. That she and I were not supposed to be together and that she would be better off without me.

I speeded the entire way home, not even listening if I got caught, but this being Forks I was in luck. When I pulled up to the house the others were waiting for me. Instead of going inside, I stayed in my Volvo, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I roughly tried to shut out the concerned thoughts that echoed in my mind and those that I did hear, I tried to ignore. It wasn't an easy thing to do when a little pixie was shouting at you in her head.

It took me nearly fifteen minutes to get up the nerve to go inside and face my family.

As soon as I was through the door Esme threw her arms around me, sobbing her tearless sobs.

"Oh, Edward. I know we've all agreed to do this, but it's not too late to change your mind. We can stay if you want to."

I saw my face in the minds of my family and immediately understood why she said it. My eyes were dead, empty. The happiness and joy that I had felt in Bella's presence ever since I first fell in love with her, were completely gone. We hadn't even left and I was already reduced to a shadow of the man I was with her.

I slowly shook my head. "No, mom. I can't stay. I already told you why I think we should leave. She won't be safe wit us here."

With that I went to my room and put the music on loud enough to drown out the concerns from my family. I wanted to forget everything. Every last worry I had about being with Bella, the fear of losing her, the disgust with myself when I put her in danger yet again. I had never resented begin a vampire as much as I did right then. I was revolted to my core with what I was and what that meant for the girl I loved so dearly.

My breathing hitched and I curled up into a ball on the floor of my room. I let all the pain I felt rip through me and it somehow felt like the justified punishment for snagging an angel from heaven. For allowing myself to be close to Bella, allowing her to be close to me. I should have stayed away after that first day in Biology.


	8. Chapter seven

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Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Twilight or it's characters. All rights are reserved to the true queen of Twilight, Mrs. Meyer. To copyright infringement is intended.

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Chapter seven

I knew that I had to get myself together. Bella was expecting to see me tonight after her shift at Newton's and I didn't want to stay away without an excuse. So eventually I gathered myself together, wiped my face clean of emotion and drove back to Forks, to her house.

I was early, but I figured it'd be better for me if I could take some time to recover from my breakdown earlier, so I sat with Charlie in the living room. Watching ESPN as I waited for Bella to come home. Charlie was surprised at first, but eventually just accepted my presence and focused on the TV, occasionally asking me about my opinion on the game that was playing. I couldn't have cared less, but in my resolve to start creating more space between me and Bella, this might be a good start.

Charlie offered me pizza and for once I didn't decline. I crumbled it to dust between my fingers, while pretending to eat, but he never noticed.

I heard the rumble of Bella's truck in the distance and I steeled myself for the onslaught of emotions I was going to feel. Carefully tucking it all away for later. I was here to play my part. To do what little I could to make this all easier for her.

I kept the easy chatter up with Charlie, while I felt my whole body tighten with anticipation of her arrival. The door opened then and a fresh wave of her scent was blown into the room. I swallowed compulsively to get rid of the venom that pooled in my mouth.

"Dad? Edward?" she called out.

"In here," Charlie called.

I noticed Bella standing in the doorway, but I was fighting my inner turmoil, so I didn't look up.

"Hi," she said in a frail voice.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie said without looking up. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she said, remaining stoic in the doorway, her eyes trained on me.

I looked up with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you," I said before turning back to the TV.

_I'm so sorry for behaving this rudely_, I added in my head.

Bella stood in the doorway for another minute before heading to the kitchen. I heard her sit in the chair and shuffling around, but she wasn't eating.

I knew instantly that she was trying to figuring out why I was acting different and I couldn't bear to face her now. I didn't want to give her any more clues. She had always been perceptive, but now was not the time for her to catch on to what was going on in my mind. I had to hold out for a few more days.

After a little while Bella headed upstairs. She stayed in her room for a couple of minutes and then bounded back downstairs. I could hear her lingering outside the family room for a moment, fidgeting with her camera and then she peered around the corner, snapping a picture.

Charlie looked up and frowned. "What are you doing, Bella?" he complained.

I smiled internally. Neither of them liked to have their picture taken. _Like father, like daughter._

"Oh, come on," Bella said with a forced smile. "You know mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can have her feelings hurt."

She was sitting in front of the sofa where Charlie was lounging. I could see the fear and turmoil shining in her eyes and it took an incredible amount of restraint not to pick her up and cradle her to my chest. I wanted so badly to reassure her that everything would be okay, but I couldn't. I shouldn't.

"Why are you taking pictures of me though?" Charlie asked.

"Because you're so handsome," Bella replied, her voice light but with a strained undertone. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subject."

"Just take a picture of Edward," he mumbled under his breath.

I bit back a chuckle, because clearly Bella hadn't heard her father's comment.

"Hey, Edward," Bella started flatly. "Take one of me and my dad together."

She tossed me the camera without looking at me. She moved closer to her father, but her face was so devoid of emotion it would make a horrible picture.

"You need to smile, Bella" I murmured. _Please baby, smile for me. I need to see it before I leave, at least once more._

Her smile was still forced, but I snapped a picture anyway.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie said quickly.

I got up and lightly tossed the camera at him. Bella was beside me in a moment and I lightly draped my arm over her shoulder. She snaked her arm around my waist and held me tightly. Charlie reminded Bella to smile and took the picture.

"Enough picture for tonight," Charlie said, stuffing the camera between the cushions of the couch. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."

I pulled out of Bella's arms and sat back down in the chair.

One more night before I have to say goodbye. How the hell am I going to do that? She'll never let me go.

Bella sat back down in her previous spot. From the corner of my eyes I noticed that her hands were shaking and she looked positively terrified.

_I'm sorry, baby. It better this way. I'm so sorry._

She put her hands on her stomach and leaned her chin onto her knees. She looked lost and even though she was staring at the television, she was not seeing a thing. I didn't either, of course. My entire attention was used to stay away from my girl when I wanted nothing more than to feel her curled up against me.

When the show ended I decided it was time to go. My family had informed me they would be ready to leave tonight and I wanted to speak with them beforehand. We needed to lay down some ground rules, especially for Alice.

I stood up and told them I'd better go home. Without looking up at me Charlie said: "See ya."

Bella stood and followed me out the door. I went straight to my car, not wanting to prolong this torture.

"Will you stay?" Bella asked in a flat, small voice.

"Not tonight," I replied solemnly.

She didn't say anything else, so I slid into my car and drove home. I only glanced in my rear view mirror once, seeing Bella on the steps, looking lost and small.

I'm sorry, baby.

I drove up to our house and was met by Carlisle.

"Son," he said solemnly.

"Carlisle. Are we ready to leave?"

"Yes, Alice and Jasper have gone ahead. The rest of us are leaving tonight. The house up north is finished." He paused, blocking his thoughts by occupying himself with a sonata.

"Son...," he started.

"No, Carlisle. I don't want to talk about it. I am going to school tomorrow and afterwards I will give Bella the best goodbye I can think of. I will sever all bonds she has with me so she can heal and find happiness with someone who can love her the way she deserves. I have made up my mind, Carlisle and I won't go back on it."

He looked down at his feet. "Will you come in and see Esme before we take off?"

"Yes."

I followed Carlisle into the house, looking down at my feet. Bella was going to be safe from now on, I had to believe that.

Esme hugged me and held me while I cried in dry sobs.

"It'll be okay, Edward. It'll hurt and it'll take time, but you'll be okay. She'll be okay," she said in an attempt to reassure me. Her thoughts were more morose and I knew that her thoughts were forming the correct words.

I already felt like part of my was starting to shatter, to rip away and I hadn't even said my final goodbye to her.

After about an hour, Carlisle announced that it was time for them to leave. Emmett and Rosalie were quiet, each getting into their own car and heading out to the highway. Esme kissed me goodbye.

"I'll see you in two days," she whispered before sliding into my Vanquish and driving away.

Carlisle just looked at me and that was all he needed to do. The look in his eyes spoke so much louder than words. They were hurting too by leaving Bella and I felt like even more of a monster than I already did, because of it. They all loved Bella and she had been like a daughter and sister and they would miss her.

But nobody would miss her as much as I. Nobody would understand the kind of pain I was in, because they all had their mates for the rest of eternity and I was going to lose my one and only love.

When I was finally alone I took of running. I didn't want to look at the empty house any longer. It held nothing, only painful memories and I would undoubtedly still find a hint of Bella's scent there. I didn't want to face that, so I ran to my meadow.

_Our meadow._

It was there that I would say the real goodbye. The honest version. She would never hear it, but I needed to say the words I was feeling.

I crumbled to the ground when I arrived. I would never share a lazy afternoon with her here again. So I sobbed without tears.

"Bella, baby. I love you," I whispered into the damp air. The rain almost drowned out my voice.

"I am going to miss you, so much. I have never and will never again love anyone the way that I love you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy and for that to happen, I need to leave you. I need to remove the ever present threat my existence imposes on yours. I can no longer be with you, because in the end I will hurt you."

I sucked in a shuddering breath. "I will love you until the end of my days and know now that my days will end when yours do. When your time is up, and I hope that won't happen until you are old and gray, I will find a way to take myself out of this miserable existence."

I looked up at the black sky and snarled as loudly as I could. I screeched and growled and screamed to voice the pain that was ripping through me like wild fire. Like the fire that consumed me when I was changing. My chest constricted and rippled, my throat clenched tightly, my stomach heaved.

I threw up, but there was nothing to throw up, but I kept gagging and choking and sobbing into the dark forest.

When the sky started to lighten, my body locked down. The pain, the sorrow, the overwhelming emotions dulled enough for me to make my way back home. I shut out all of these feelings so I would make it through today. I had things to do. Plans to execute. A goodbye to make.

I made my way back to the house. Alice had left a change of clothes in a bag just inside the door. I quickly changed, stuffed my other clothes into the bag and tossed it in the back seat.

When I arrived at school, I waited for Bella. My numb state was the best way to deal with today, so I stayed quiet for most of the day. I limited my physical contact to a bare minimum and tried not to look at her too often.

People were noticing the apparent coolness of our demeanor and some were even smug about it. I fought the urge to slap Lauren Mallory repeatedly and continued.

I had forgotten that Bella would be working at Newton's tonight and I realized that Charlie would be home if I waited till after she got home from her shift. I groaned inwardly at my lack of planning and procrastinated.

That night I did not go to Bella's house. I wandered through the forest again without aim. My cell rang mid way through the night.

"Alice, what do you want?" I snapped when I answered the phone.

"In case you need it, there is another set of clothing still in the closed in your room. I wasn't sure one set would be enough."

I sighed. "Thank you. Please tell the others I will be a day later?"

"Will do. We'll see you soon. We love you."

I didn't reply, I just shut my phone and stuffed it back into my pocket. I walked back to the house in a slow pace. I climbed the stairs to my room, my footsteps echoing against the bare walls and floors.

I entered my room and was assaulted by the remnants of Bella's scent. A slight bit of venom pooled in my mouth, but it was nothing I compared to what I was used to.

The next day at school went by in the same fashion, my numbness was still serving me to get through the day.

When the bell for the final class sounded, my stomach started to heave. I breathed a few deep breaths, even though that probably didn't work for anything than just the illusion of calming me, before I walked Bella to her truck.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I beat her to it.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"

"Of course not."

I opened her door for her. "Now?" I asked.

"Sure. I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox. I'll meet you there."

I glanced at the envelop and could smell that she had put pictures in it. For my plan to work I had to take out the ones of me.

I snatched it from the passenger seat and smiled a half-hearted smile. "I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there."

"Okay," she said, her face full of concern and confusion.

I shut the door and headed for my car. I raced to her place and at vampire speed wrote a note for Charlie and went up to her room to find the gifts we've given her and perhaps the photo's she might have kept.

I found everything pretty easily and hesitated for a brief moment whether to take them with me, or leave them here.

I compromised with myself. Deep down I wanted to leave her with the mementos of our time together, but it wouldn't be a clean break if she had them in plain sight, so I pulled up one of her floor boards and hid it all in the space below.

I breathed in her scent once more and sprinted to my car. As I waited for Bella I quickly pried the envelop open and pulled out the pictures with me in them. I put them in my book bag and resealed the envelop. I would drop it in a mailbox on my way out of town.

When I heard the chugging of Bella's truck turn onto the street, I shoved the letter into my glove compartment and waited for her. Rehearsing my lines in my mind.

I got out of the car as she slid down from her truck. I took her bag and shoved it back into the truck. This was it. My time with her was up.

"Come for a walk with me," I said, taking her hand.

I pulled her along towards the forest, stopping when we were still in sight of the house, but far enough away for me to make an unseen escape.

Bella's heart was thudding loudly and I could smell her fear and adrenaline rushing through her veins. She knew something was going to happen.

I leaned against a tree and stared at her. Memorizing her face once again.

"Okay, let's talk," she stated in a strong voice, although I could hear an underlying tremor.

I breathed in heavily. "Bella, we're leaving."

"Why now? Another year-" she started and I knew I had to cut that train of thought off.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Her face was contorted in confusion and I stared back with a dead mask plastered on my face.

I knew the second she realized what I was trying to say. Her eyes looked horrified.

"When you say we..."

"I mean my family and myself," I said. Making sure to be clear on the difference.

Bella shook her head back and forth and once again I was desperate to know what she was thinking. If she realized what I was saying.

After a few minutes she spoke again. "Okay, I'll come with you."

I was afraid of that response. The girls just had no sense of self protection.

"You can't Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Why can't you see that?

"Don't be ridiculous," her voice was desperate, pleading. "You're the very best part of my life."

I knew I had to continue until she understood, so I pressed on against the urge to take it all back and go back to how we were before he birthday.

"My world is not for you."

"What happened with Jasper, that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." I continued harshly.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay..."

"As long as that was best for you."

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I could hear the underlying fury, but her voice was still desperately pleading. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward, I don't care! You can have my soul, It's yours already!"

I looked at the ground. Deep down I felt so satisfied with her claim that she was mine, but I could not allow myself to become weak and allow myself to go back on my resolve. I mentally scolded myself for cracking and I decided to up my game. I had to make her believe I didn't love her. That was the only way.

I felt disgusted with myself, but I knew it had to be done.

I looked back up at her and formed the words in my mind to test them out. This had to work, I would not relent until she had the clean break I was aiming for.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly, assessing her reaction to the words.

She mulled it over. Silently mouthing the words. "You...don't...want...me?" she asked eventually.

"No."

She stared at me, her eyes unsure. I stared back, placing the toughest of masks on my face and hardening myself against the onslaught of emotions that we swirling in those liquid pools of brown. She suddenly seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Well, that changes things," she stated calmly.

I looked away into the trees. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

I looked back at her and continued. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."

I stared at her without apology. I had already decided. "You're not good for me, Bella."

She opened her mouth several time to speak, but no words came out. I waited for her to comprehend.

"If… that's what you want," she said quietly.

I nodded and I saw it happen before my eyes. She believed me. She believed she was no good for me, that I didn't want her anymore. That I didn't love her anymore. But she needed to be safe and this was the only way. I had to remind her of that though, lest she'd do something to put herself in harms way.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

For a second my composure faltered when I realized I could not verify if she was going to keep the promise I wanted her to make now and I was shaken with worry. I quickly composed myself and waited for her to say something.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.

I allowed myself to show her that I still cared for her, so I softened my gaze and attempted to dazzle her one last time.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I ordered, urgently. "Do you understand

what I'm saying?"

She simply nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself–for him."

She nodded again. "I will."

I relaxed infinitesimally

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Her heart was now thundering in her chest and she was starting to breathe erratically. I tried to reassure her by smiling gently, although the words that I was about to say would make her memory of me become tainted.

"Don't worry. You're human–your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she choked out.

"Well– I won't forget. But _my _kind… we're very easily distracted."

I smiled another false smile and took a step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back," she said in a barely audible breath.

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on her face. "No. They're all gone. I staved behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" Her voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

She stopped breathing for just a moment, before taking calculated, steady breaths.

"Goodbye, Bella,"

"Wait!" She choked out the word, reaching for me.

I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I lightly grazed my lips to her forehead, taking my last whiff. Her eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," I murmured, before releasing her hands and running at vampire speed into the trees, around in a loop and back to the house to retrieve my car.

_Goodbye, my angel. Take care. I love you._

* * *

A/N: It took me a long time to get this chapter out. It was hard to write it in a way that would be believable and to top it all off, most of my work got destroyed when the program crahsed near the end of the chapter. So, I hope that you all will still enjoy the chapter and please tell me what you think.

Love, Mo


	9. Chapter eight

**Disclaimer: All rightes belong to Mrs. Meyer**

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Chapter eight

I drove blindly until I was past the Canadian border. I knew this area well and pulled off the highway and drove till I pulled over on a dirt road near the forest. I flew out of the car and into the trees, running at top speed, attempting to ignore the pain that was bubbling below the surface.

I caught the scent of a bobcat and crouched down to start my hunt. I cleared my mind and gave myself over to my senses, following the scent and the juicy thumping sound of it's heart.

When I had finished the last bit of it's blood I shoved the carcass off of me and growled loudly into the night.

I sank to my knees and coiled into myself.

Love. Life. Meaning. Over.

No more of her laughter, no more of her kisses, no more of her caresses.

I would never smell her again, hear her voice again, feel her skin again.

I growled, snarled, ripped into the ground with my hands.

I stayed there for forty-eight hours, curled up into a ball, my arms wrapped around my torso to keep it from ripping to shreds.

When two days had passed my family came to get me. None of them spoke, they just took me with them up north towards Alaska.

I wasn't looking forward to it. Hell I was dreading it, knowing I'd face Tanya while we were there and I was in no mood to deal with her innuendos and propositions. I wanted to curl up in a corner and die, or at least be as miserable as a vampire could be.

When we arrived in our new home Emmett guided me to my room. I heard all of their worried thoughts, their reassurances that I would be okay, but I didn't fell like hearing it. I roared when another ripple of pain went trough me and curled up into a ball in the corner of the room.

Hours passed and I didn't move.

My family came up and attempted to speak to me but I didn't respond.

The hours bled into days.

The Denali clan came up to see us and once again I was confronted with the seduction attempts of Tanya and I didn't respond.

The days bled into weeks.

My family fell into their new routine, still trying to get me to talk to them, but I didn't respond. The only thing I did was hunt when I was famished.

It was after about six weeks when Carlisle came up to my room and dragged me out of my corner.

"This has got to stop, Edward. You cannot live your life like this. I know you are hurting. I know you're heart broken, but you have to move on. You left her so she could move on. You owe it to yourself to do the same."

"I don't owe myself anything. I am nothing without her, Carlisle. This isn't living, I know, but what will you have me do? I left the woman I love behind! I'll never love another and until the day she dies, I will be missing my heart. It's with her and it always will be."

"I am not saying you need to find another love, I know that will be impossible, but Edward you have to do something. You can't spend the rest of eternity huddled in a corner."

"What will you have me do then?"

"I don't know! Keep her safe from wherever you can? See the world? I don't know!"

"Wait, back up a minute. What do you mean, keep her safe?"

"Victoria is still out there, isn't she? What if she goes back looking for you for killing her mate only to find Bella there alone?"

I stood there, frozen. I had gone away so she could live a safe live and now Carlisle reminded me that I was still failing at that.

His thoughts went to Victoria when we had met her in the field and then to James and his tracking tactics. He was wondering how we could track her down.

In the following days I constructed a plan to find out where Victoria had gone to. I contacted Irina, having heard of her connection with Laurent and asked if he had mentioned Victoria. He had, but only in passing. She had no idea where she could be, nor did she feel any need to ask Laurent about it.

Laurent was gone for a few weeks and I decided if I hadn't found her by the time he returned, I would ask him if he had seen her. I knew that Laurent had been trying to keep to our diet, but his absence had been triggered by a relapse. I didn't want to think about what he was doing in the mean time.

So I took my time to call around. I contacted some of Carlisle's old friends, asking about Victoria. None of them had seen her. After that I went into a different route. I searched the internet for new on killings that could have something to do with a vampire.

Alice tried to help me by searching for Victoria's future, but she kept changing her mind so quickly, that it never even registered where she was at the time. Alice only got flashes and that simply wasn't enough.

Whenever one of my family members tried to talk to me, or suggest a different tactic I would snarl at them and tell them to leave me alone. I had a mission and nothing of what they could say would make me change my mind.

Rosalie was the one who had gotten the most irritable with me and she kept reminding me that I was bringing the family down with me.

"Stay out of it, Rose! You don't know anything."

"She's just a human, Edward! Get over it. You left her and she'll forget you. Do the same."

I hissed and lunged for her, but Emmett stepped between us and struggled to get me out of the house.

"Tell you wife to mind her own damn business! I don't want to hear any more of her comments, either verbally or mentally!" I spat when we were miles away from the house.

"Edward, you know we all worry about you. You have been more of a reclusive hermit than you were before you met Bella."

At the mention of her name I fell to my knees and clutched my torso. I howled and curled back up into a ball. Attempting to locate Victoria had kept my mind busy. I was so focused that I could breathe and my chest didn't feel like it was shattering into tiny fragments, but now that I was out here and Emmett mentioned her name, there was nothing to keep me together.

Emmett was utterly shocked by what he saw and in an act of uncommon wisdom, he sat down beside me and held me while I cried my dry tears for her. I knew I looked a mess and I knew that my family was hurting because I was, but I couldn't stop the pain.

Emmett held me for four hours straight before I managed to get my emotions under control. When I finally moved to get up he chuckled.

"What?" I asked him, confused as to why he would be laughing now.

"Nothing big. You know that the others will think I am a total wimp for hugging you, right?"

I shook my head. "I don't think anyone will think of it like that, Em."

He shrugged. "I would."

"Well, we're not all like you so be glad."

He suggested we go hunting and I agreed. I could use a little more time with just Emmett. His thoughts were usually fairly simple and straight forward. He wasn't one to hold back so he was always the easiest to be around. Especially now.

My new routine lasted for another two weeks until I was fed up with searching for newspaper articles.

I went to find Carlisle. He was hunched over a medical journal, but I could see he wasn't concentrating on any of that at all. His mind was on me and on Bella.

I hissed when he pictured her face and he looked up apologetically. "Sorry, son. What can I do for you?"

"I found several possible leads. I am going to see if I can pick up her scent anywhere near the places I have found to have vampire activity."

"Should we come with you?"

"No. I need to do this alone."

"At least take Jasper along. He knows most about battling vampires."

"I think I can manage, thank you very much."

"don't be stubborn Edward. He still feels guilty for what happened. Even when it's not something he could've prevented."

"He should feel guilty. He almost bit her, Carlisle. How can I forgive him for that?"

"Edward you know, deep down, that it wasn't something he chose to do. It was an accident and nothing actually happened."

"She was cut in several places, stitches up her arm. I smashed her into a table with glass plates! She could have died!"

"But she didn't! She's alive and safe."

"For now," I muttered before turning on my heel and stalking out of the room. Alice came up to me with the intent of talking about my leaving. I didn't feel like it and told her to stay away.

"You know she is bound to get herself into trouble. I can check on her, if you like," she offered in a low voice.

"No. Bella promised. She promised to be safe. Don't go looking for her future. We've done enough damage."

I didn't mean a word of it, but I couldn't allow her to look for Bella. If Alice would have one of her visions, how would I ever be able to stay away.

"I'm leaving tonight," I muttered under my breath and darted out of the room to get the things I would need.

I wasn't planning on coming back soon. I'd give my family a chance to live without the pain and guilt that my presence gave them.

I was going hunting, for a certain red haired vampire.

* * *

A/N: It's a bit of a short one, but next chapter will be longer. Promise.


	10. Chapter nine

**Disclaimer: All right belong to Mrs. Meyer.

* * *

**

Chapter nine

My first lead took me to Chicago, which seemed rather ironic to me. I searched the alleyways for the scent of vampires, Victoria's especially, but found only faint trails that were days if not weeks old and none of them were Victoria's.

I was suddenly struck by the scent of fresh blood and ghosted over to the source. There was a man lying in a corner, with blood oozing from a gash in his brow. I felt the burning in my throat and took one step towards him.

_Stop!_ A voice in my head cried out.

I froze when I realized it was _her_ voice.

I whirled around to see if she was there, but the alley was empty. Of course she wasn't here. She was across the country, living her life as a normal human girl. She was out there getting over me.

I turned back to the bleeding man and took another step in his direction.

_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! Don't you dare! Help him. Get him to a hospital. You are better than this!_

I growled low in my throat. How could she be telling me what to do? She was in Forks for crying out loud! Then a realization dawned on me.

I could hear her voice without breaking down. I could actually hear her warm voice and even though she sounded angry, I could still hear her.

Just to test my theory I took another step forward.

_Please, Edward. Don't do this_, she whispered now.

"Okay, I won't," I murmured. "I'll take him to a hospital."

I took another step towards him, but her voice was no longer there. I was a little disappointed, but I knew it was better this way. If I would've killed him, I would let the monster win and I refused to do that. She deserved better.

So I walked up to the man and helped him up. I tried to ask him what happened, but he was barely coherent, both verbally and mentally. The alcohol on his breath was strong, so that probably explained the lack of coherency.

As I transported his nearly limp body to the nearest hospital, I was mentally calculating where I would go next, I had promising leads in New York, but also some in Portland. I did a mental recount of the reports of missing people and unexplained murders and decided that the Portland area would be my next choice.

The following weeks I spent trying to catch up with Victoria. I caught her scent several times, but it was always faint, not strong enough to be recent and I was getting frustrated. Every time I came close to finding her, she was gone again. Continuing to be one step ahead of me.

When I finally had enough of doing this on my own, I called Alice for the first time since I left.

"Edward, how are…"

I cut her off. "Don't ask questions you know the answer to, Alice. What can you tell me about Victoria?"

"Not much. I get flashes when I look for her, but she doesn't have a real plan in mind it seems. She just randomly floats around the country. True nomadic style."

"Try harder, Ali. I need to find her. What purpose do I have if I can't even find her?"

The silence on the other end was deafening.

"Alice, try harder," I barked into the phone.

"No need to be rude, Edward. I know you're hurting, but so are we. We love Bella too."

"Don't. Say. Her. Name." I snarled.

"Edward, stop it. You are killing yourself…and her. Come back. Go back to her and make this right. You can protect her far better from Victoria when you're by her side instead of attempting this half-assed attempt to track her."

"Shut up, Alice! I can't, you know I can't. I am a constant danger to her. I cannot take her away from a normal life any longer. She will move on, find someone else to love. Her memories of us will fade."

"But ours won't! Yours especially. What do you think you'll do if you ever hear that she's going to get married. Can you stay away then? Or will you go see for yourself, lurking in the shadows? And what if she has children? And maybe she won't forget you and will never find a man that can make her feel the way you did. Maybe she'll settle for something less than love. Could you live with yourself if that happened?"

I growled, feeling the gashes in my chest throb in agony. I clawed at my skin, trying to pull the pain out, but being completely unsuccessful.

"Alice, stop! Please, I beg you. Stop!" I sobbed.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward. Please don't shut us out completely. We miss you…. Esme especially."

"I know, but I'm not good to be around right now. I'll call in a few weeks. Bye, Alice."

"Bye Edward."

I snapped the phone shut before she could add the 'I love you' I expected her to say. I sank to the forest floor and tossed the phone a few feet away. I curled up into a ball and cried dry sobs, until I felt entirely numb again.

I eventually regained control over my limbs so I could make my way to my second stop on the track. This one was further south and seemed more promising than previous ones.

I had left my car behind a few days ago, knowing that Alice would come for it once she saw my decision to leave it behind, so I ran. I stayed as much under the cover of woodlands as possible, but as I neared my target, it became more and more difficult. The spaces were larger, the sun more prominent, which left me to the nightly hours to track.

I arrived in Phoenix around three a.m.. Victoria's scent was stronger here. It was concentrated around the residential area where _she_ used to live. The area where we took out James.

Of course, she was looking for a way to avenge her mate. But why then would she not come after me? She knew I was tracking her, because she was always just out of my reach. Her thoughts just on the fringe of my range, never really audible.

I let out a frustrated growl when I, once again, just missed her thoughts. I could sense the tenor of her mind, but she was just too far away to really hear. It was almost as infuriating as not being able to hear anything at all.

I hid in a dark alley and stayed completely still. I closed my eyes and focused on the buzzing of thoughts around me. The dreams of the humans were easy to block. It was just a low hum. The thoughts of a frantic woman assaulted me. She was begin stalked by a coupe of drunken men.

_Edward! Do something!_

My eyes shot open as I heard her voice. Her face was flashing through my mind and I was running before I registered the decision fully.

_Hurry!_

I could see the lewd and vulgar things they were planning and the memory of Port Angeles assaulted me like a freight train. I doubled over when I remembered the frightened, but determined expression on her face before I reached her.

This woman was terrified and most certainly not focusing on self defense techniques. She was merely running from them. I growled low in my throat and lunged forward, in order to get to them faster.

_Edward, hurry!_

Just as I reached the street they were on, one of the men grabbed her arm and whirled her towards him. One of the others was already ripping her shirt apart when I was within reach.

I reached out and yanked the man who was ripping her clothes off away from her, sending him flying back into the third man. The man who was still holding on to the scared woman, looked from me to his buddies, the haze of the alcohol lifting due to the adrenaline in his body.

"What the hell are you doing, buddy? We were here first."

"Let her go!" I snarled.

"Get your own."

"Do not make me repeat myself. If I have to I will rip you apart!"

He released the woman without a second thought and scrambled to get away from me. The two guys behind me hesitated, so I took one step in their direction effectively scaring them away.

The woman was sobbing uncontrollably, but in her mind I could see the immense gratitude she felt.

"Are you hurt?" I asked curtly.

"N-no."

"You need to report this. Can you make it to the police station?"

She looked down at her tattered blouse. With a deep sigh I pulled off my button up, yanked off the t-shirt I had on underneath and handed that to her.

Her mind was dazed as she took in my naked chest, but I chose to ignore it. I put my button up back on and gestured for her to get dressed. She snapped out of her ogling and quickly redressed herself. She sniffed my shirt and somehow it made her thoughts go wild with lusty thoughts.

I briefly wondered if that was what my scent did to _her_, but dismissed the idea in order to keep functioning.

"Look, I have to go. Go to the police station and report those bastards."

"Thank you for saving me. Can I do something to repay you."

I shuddered at the images she conjured up. "No. I have to go."

I was walking away before she could respond. Her dejected thoughts soon turned into self-preservation and she scurried away. I followed at a distance to make sure she got to he station safely.

When I was a block away from the station I heard it.

* * *

_A/N: Short update, but it was harder to write than I expected. Let me know what you think._


	11. Chapter ten

****

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Mrs. Meyer.

* * *

Chapter ten

I heard a male vampire's thoughts. He was thinking of Victoria and the conversation they had carried. He hoped to see her again soon. He was taken with her.

The thoughts that followed made me shudder in disgust. I did not want to see his lecherous mind, but then his thoughts switched to his plans. He was supposed to find Bella and kidnap her.

I roared in fury when he remembered the picture Victoria had shown him. He thought she was pretty and hoped her could have his way with her before Victoria's plans to torture her.

His mind finally registered my presence. He hissed when I moved forward. My every thought was on pulling his limbs from his body and burning every last bit of him. A low growl rumbled in my throat as I lunged forward.

_Edward don't!_

I ignored her shouting. I needed her to be safe and she wasn't going to be safe when this vampire lived.

_Please, Edward! Don't! Think of who you are!_

I threw the first punch as those last words rang through my head. The vampire came back at me with brutal force. I saw his intentions just in time. I caught his fist in my hand and punched him in his gut.

He snarled and lunged for my throat. I tried to sidestep him, but he nicked my shoulder. I hissed as his venom burned my granite skin. He took advantage of my temporary distraction to grab my arm and throw me into the building behind me.

The brick crumbled easily and I landed inside the empty warehouse. The other vampire jumped through the hole my body had left. I scrambled back to my feet only to be sent flying backwards again by a kick to my chest.

"You think you can beat me? You're nothing more than a pup!" he seethed.

I easily jumped to my feet and threw myself at him. I was able to pin his arms behind his back. I pushed my knee into his back until I heard his spine snap.

_NO! Edward! Don't do this!_

_**I have to, love. I have to keep you safe.**_

_You can keep me safe in another way. Use his mind, find something to keep him from going after me._

_**No, this is the only way.**_

I pushed the vampire away from me, keeping his arm in my hands and severing it from his torso. He snarled viciously before attacking me again.

He threw me into a wall once again, momentarily leaving me somewhat disoriented. He was faster that I had expected and came at me, teeth bared and glistening with venom.

I stopped him right before his teeth could fid purchase on my neck. I swung my fist and hit him square in the chest. He flew back, still growling.

"You can't kill me!" he roared, but his thoughts betrayed his disbelief in his own words.

"Really? Then why would you think differently?"

He stared at me. "You can hear my thoughts?"

"Yes. I can see you don't believe in your own survival and I can promise you now that I will not stop until I know the girl is safe."

"What girl?"

"The girl Victoria told you to kidnap."

His eyes widened as realization hit him. "You love her. She's your mate, isn't she?"

"Yes!"

"Then why are you not with her?"

"I'm more of a risk to her when I stay."

"You fool! I made that same mistake once and I now have to live the rest of eternity without my mate. She got in a car crash because she was trying to catch up with me. She was crying so hard she didn't see the truck coming at her head-on. She was killed before I even reached her."

"Don't tell me what to do! She's better off without me. She deserves a normal life!"

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. I see more love in you than I felt for my mate. You won't survive if she ever dies."

"I wasn't planning on outliving her long."

"Than you're an even bigger fool that I thought. But rest assured, I won't go after her. I like the south too much."

"Where did Victoria go?"

"She mentioned seeking something in Brazil. I think she's headed to Rio."

I watched him carefully as he searched for his arm. His mind was focused on finding some human to help him recover from his injury. Nowhere in the depths of his mind was a hint of him betraying me. He genuinely gave up on going after her.

The night was almost approaching dawn, so I had to find a place to hide until the sun went down again. I ran out of the destroyed warehouse in search of a safe place to stay. I ended up at her old house again. It was abandoned.

Without really thinking about it, I sneaked around to the back of the house. I found a window that was easily opened and slipped inside. I inhaled deeply when I was in the empty room. Underneath all the dust that had gathered on the empty surfaces there was still the faintest hint of freesia, lavender and strawberries.

The venom pooled in my mouth almost instantly. My chest rippled and cracked and I fell to the ground, defeated by my grief once again.

_He was right you know. I'm not better off without you._

"Don't say that. You should be happy, safer without me." I said into quiet of the early morning.

_But it's true. Come back to me. It's been long enough._

"I can't risk your safety. I won't."

I waited for her voice, but it was gone again. There was only the quiet murmurs of people waking in the early hours and the low hum of those who were still sleeping.

Weak, broken I went upstairs to hide away from possible discovery by passers by. I found her room without really looking for it. The faint smell was slightly stronger here, like it had had more time to seep into the wood.

I lay down on the floor and curled into myself, desperately trying to fend off the images that were conjured by her smell.

Her eyes when I first told her I loved her.

Her smile after our first kiss.

Her voice as she whispered my name while dreaming.

Her broken expression when I told her goodbye.

I struggled to make it through the day while my mind threw image after image after image at me. Each one made my willpower weaker. Each one made me want to go back to her and tell her how sorry I was for leaving, for telling her I didn't love her anymore.

When the night finally arrived I was torn in two. I wanted so much to go back to her, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. While half of me was fighting to go back north, I dragged my body to the south. I ran throughout the night, reaching the Mexican border just before the sun rose.

I spent the day hiding up in a tree. I knew I should hunt, but I could do that easier under the cover of night. I was too distracted by the memories that still assaulted me to pay any attention for possible discovery while hunting. The chances of being caught at night were considerably less.

That night I hunted. I sought out the biggest game I could find and slaughtered it. I took out all my pain and anger on the poor animal, ripping it to shreds. I looked like a walking wreck by the time I had glutted myself on their blood.

My clothes were drench in blood, covered in pieces of fur and skin. If anyone were to see me like this they would be horrified.

My phone chirped in my pocket. I dug it out and found a text from Alice.

_There's a river near by, wash up and go into town tomorrow night. You'll find a set of fresh clothes at the Maracha inn, room 11. It's pre-booked, just pick up the key at the front desk._

I sent back a reply with a simple thanks. I turned my phone off after that, knowing that my meddling sister wouldn't be able to resist trying to call me. I went down to the river and washed myself as best I could. I managed to get most of the blood out of my clothes, but it still looked disheveled and grimy, but it was the best I could do.

I spent another day hiding in trees, trying to cling to my sanity. Her voice had not re-entered my mind after I had been in her house and despite the pain it brought me, I missed it. I wanted to hear, because for the first time in my existence I couldn't remember clearly. Her voice sounded muffled in my memories, not as beautiful as I knew it was, almost like it was one of my human memories.

That night I managed to find the motel Alice booked for me and I crashed hard. I was overwhelmed, consumed by my heartache. I obliterated one of the nightstands. I slammed my fist into it until there was nothing left but dust and splinters.

After I had settled down a little, I took a long shower, reveling in the heat of the water, letting it soothe some of my inner turmoil. I dressed in the clothes Alice had sent over for me and lay down on the bed.

I closed my eyes and let myself relive the last days I spent with her. The night of her birthday, the reason why I left, the days afterwards. I rehashed every thought I had in order to come to that decision. They still made sense to me, I still knew why I had left her and it had not yet lost it's power. I would continue to stay away, no matter how much I wanted to go back and beg for her forgiveness.

I spent two more days in the motel before I remembered why I had gone here in the first place. Victoria had gotten too far away from me. I had to make up for the time I lost trying to reconfirm my resolve to stay away from _her._

So I ran, staying deep in the forest so I could keep running during the daytime hours. I avoided inhabited areas as best I could and made it to Rio in two days.

It was time to get back to tracking Victoria.

* * *

_A/N: I finally managed to untangle the mess I made of this while working on a ratty computer. I hope you will remain with me, despite the long time it takes me to update._

_I'm trying to be more frequent, but it's hard to stay in the right mood to write these parts of the story._

_Let me know what you think._

_Hugs, Mo_


	12. Chapter eleven

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights to these characters and the plot belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**

Chapter eleven

In Rio I quickly picked up on her scent, which was something I hadn't expected at all. I had delayed my search by getting stuck in Mexico for two days. It shouldn't have been that easy to find Victoria's scent in a city this large.

_Be careful_, her voice was a mere whisper in my head.

I whipped my head around, half expecting her to stand behind me, but of course she wasn't there. I raised my nose in the air and tried to find Victoria's smell again. It was fainter now, but I could sense in which direction to look for her.

I stalked through the alleys, avoiding humans as much as possible. Victoria's scent swirled around my head, a little too faint to be near, a little too strong to be out of range of my mind-reading abilities.

I reached out to try and find her mind, but all I heard were the ramblings of the humans in the area. Victoria's scent got stronger and then I heard the drunk mind of a human girl wrapped up in a coat that had been Victoria's.

"Damn it!" I bellowed down the empty street.

She had tricked me! She had used the same trick we used when we tried to lure James away from Bella.

I cursed up a storm, punching my fist into the wall hard enough to go straight through. The area was quiet for any kind of chatter, mental or verbal, so I quickly pulled my fist back and hastily retreated back down the street to get away from the mess I created.

My mind was reeling so fast even I couldn't make sense of the mess in it and to top that all off the invading thoughts of others seemed to be getting louder and louder. I wanted to scream for them to stay out of my head, to beg for someone to put me back together again, but all I could manage was a strangled sob.

I wandered the streets of Rio for two days before I finally settled on a dingy building to hide in. I rented the attic and without much other care I dragged myself up the stairs to the room that was now mine.

I stayed there for three days before I went hunting again, feeling nothing more than the tormenting pain of being without her. The agony of not hearing her voice in my head anymore. I wanted, no needed to hear her, but not matter what I did, she didn't come back to me.

So I hid. I only called home every couple of weeks. I only fed when my strength was waining. I curled up into a ball on that dirty floor in that nasty building and let misery have me, take me over completely.

I lay there for minutes.

Hours.

Days.

Weeks on end.

I stared at the cracked mirror over the sink at my black eyes, constantly at war with myself about what to do.

Every day it became harder for me to remember why I had left. Why it was better for me to stay here, thousands of miles away from her. From my one and only love.

"She deserves to be safe. You are a risk to her," I told my reflection. "As long as you are in her life she will be at risk. She will never be safe if you're with her."

I growled, snarled at my own reflection. Repulsed by the monster that roared for blood inside me. The monster that urged me to seek out the nearest human and suck them dry.

"And that is why you need to stay away from her. You're a monster! A soulless monster! You are nothing more than a vile animal. A creature that deserves no love, especially not from an angel like her!"

But no matter how often I told myself what was in her best interest, every hour made the pull back to Forks stronger. I felt physically torn between staying where I was, wallowing in my misery and running back to her.

The longer I stayed away though, the more often I would fantasize about going back to Forks and showing up at her window. I would beg her to take me back. I would spend the rest of our lives together proving to her that I was worthy of her. I would marry her and keep her safe at my side until it was time for her to leave this earth.

On the darkest of moments I would even daydream about turning her so I could have her forever, but the remorse, the guilt and the disgust over my selfishness, would soon cloud those thoughts.

And every time I allowed myself to think about going back to her, the pull got stronger, my resolve crumbled. Every fiber of my being hummed with anticipation of the day that I would finally give in and go back to her.

But then the day broke that would change my existence forever. Somewhere near the end of the morning my phone started ringing. Feeling weak and hungry and angry and devastated, I ignored it.

But then it rang again.

I ignored it.

It rang again.

And again.

And then I answered with a low growl.

"Edward, thank god! Listen you can come home now. Things have changed," Rosalie's voice sounded from the other end.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you no longer have a reason to stay away."

"Why not?"

"It's Bella. Alice saw her."

"What? I told Alice to stay out of her life!"

"She got a vision that she couldn't avoid. She left for Forks at once."

"What? Why? She needs to stay away from her."

"She won't know Alice is there, Edward."

"Rosalie, will you stop talking in riddles. What the hell did Alice see?"

"She saw Bella jump off a cliff. Edward, Bella killed herself."

"NO! No, she promised! She promised she would stay safe."

"Edward, she jumped off a cliff and Alice didn't see her come up out of the water."

"NO! Bella promised me she would be careful! No, it can't be."

"If you don't believe me then call Charlie. I'm sure he'll tell you."

Without another word I shut the phone, staring down at the offending little device that had delivered me the worst possible news I could have ever heard.

Love. Life. Meaning. Over.

I flew out the door and ran into the street, not even thinking about the sunlight or the shimmering skin that shocked the humans around me.

I flicked the phone open again and dialed the number that was still embedded in my mind, in my heart. Her number.

The phone was answered by the second ring. "Swan residence," a deep gruff voice said.

It wasn't a voice I recognized, so I twisted my voice a little as I spoke: "This is Carlisle Cullen, is Charlie Swan there, please?"

"He's not here," the man answered flatly.

"Well, where is he? I need to talk to him."

"He's at the funeral."

No! my mind roared. It can't be! She promised! She promised!

I snapped the phone shut without realizing and tossed it into the garbage bin I was standing next to.

I rushed back into the room where I had stayed. Pacing the floor, growling at the agonizing pain in my chest, I tried to sort through my messed up thoughts. I couldn't form a coherent thought, no matter how hard I tried. All I could feel was the pain of losing her. My love. My life.

She was gone. I would never see her brown eyes again. Her creamy skin, her rosy blush, gone forever. Never again would this earth be graced with her laughter. Never again would I feel her arms around me, her lips on mine. I would no longer hear her heartbeat quicken as I smiled at her, or see he stumble over her own two feet. She was gone. The meaning of my life was gone.

I begged God to bring her back to me. I just wanted to hear her voice once more. I just wanted to hold her in my arms once more.

For another breathless moment I allowed myself to drown in my pain and then, finally, I managed to get my thoughts together.

Contingency plans.

I needed to get to Italy at once. Fast enough to stop Alice from coming after me to keep me from what I was supposed to do.

I was going to the Volturi.

* * *

_A/N: I am starting to find it increasingly difficult to write this story, as you maybe can tell by the short chapters. I am trying my hardest to keep writing it and I am committed to finish it to the best of my ability, but I hope you will bear with me during the long periods between updates._

_Mo_


	13. Chapter twelve

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights are reserved for Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

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**

Chapter twelve

Chartering a plane to Italy was easy enough. Wave around enough money and the world is your oyster. Despite not having hunted for over a week, I felt no burn in my throat when I talked to the pilot. I only felt the burn of my missing heart, of my dying soul.

Never in my existence had I thought I still possessed a soul, but now I knew I once did. It was gone now. I was hollow, just a body waiting to die. I just had to get to the location where it was possible.

The plane ride was long and tedious. I had nothing to occupy my mind with other than the monotone thoughts of the pilot or my own jumbled thoughts. Flashes of her flicked through my mind.

Her soft, warm skin under my fingertips.

The sound and feel of her heart beat in the crook of her neck.

Her voice murmuring my name as she slept.

Those deep chocolate pools that would look up at me with such love that it took my breath away.

Her long brown hair, blowing out behind her in the wind, carrying her sweet scent over to me.

At first I fought the images, but after a while I let them flow freely through my mind. I revelled in them. I purposefully pulled up the first day we met. I relived every moment I spent with her in that Biology classroom that first day. The battle I fought against the monster in me. In hindsight I could see that I was already enamoured enough to keep her safe.

I recalled our day in the meadow, the wonderment in her eyes as she traced lines over my exposed skin, staring at the glimmer. Our first kiss when we got back to the car, popped up in my head with perfect clarity. I could recall her exact smell, her exact taste.

Completely lost in all those wonderful moments, I lost track of time. I Snapped out of it when the plane touched ground in Florence. It was night by now, which meant I could get into Volterra without too much trouble.

As I ran, I kept as much to remote area's as I could. When the walls of the town doomed up in the distance, I slowed my pace to a human walk. When I reached the gates to the city, I heard her voice.

_Don't, Edward._

I shook my head, trying desperately to get rid of my delusions, but when I took another step, I heard her again.

_Please, Edward. Don't._

_I have too, love. I want to be with you again._

_Don't be stupid. Think of your family._

_They'll be fine without me. I won't live on without you._

As I took the next step, her voice was gone again. If I did see her again, I was sure she would be angry with me for doing this.

The moment I stepped foot inside the walls, I was approached by two cloaked figures.

_What the hell do we have here? _The bigger one thought.

He turned to his slighter partner with a smirk. "This one stinks up the place. We should escort him out."

"No," I said, my voice hoarse from going unused for most of the past couple of months. "I wish to see the brothers."

"Did you hear that, Felix? He wishes to see the brothers. What the hell for?" he snarled.

"I have a request."

Demetri was about to tell me to piss off, when a girl, nearly small and young enough to be considered an immortal child, came strolling up.

"Boys, boys, be good dears and give me a moment with this one," she purred in a childish voice.

"Jane," Felix said quietly. "I don't think we should leave you alone with him."

She scoffed. "I didn't say that. I just wanted to get him to tell me why he needs to talk to the brothers."

Felix stepped back and I got a flash of what she meant by it right before I felt a blinding pain shoot through me. I remotely registered I was screaming at he to stop. I writhed on the ground, trying to keep myself from going absolutely insane.

I don't know how long I lay on the floor being tormented when I heard someone approach.

"Jane, control yourself," a soft boyish voice said.

A moment later, the pain was gone and I realized there was no residual difficulty. I got back to my feet, glaring at the little blond girl. I noticed a boy in about the same size and age as Jane, with similar features, standing to her left.

_He's beautiful. Maybe Aro will let me keep him as a toy. _I heard Jane think, followed by a series of horrifying images of us feeding on the same human female.

"No. He won't and if e will, I won't stay," I hissed.

Her eyes widened in surprise, but didn't comment on what I'd said. "Why are you here?"

"That is something I would like to discuss with Aro and his brothers."

"I can give you a repeat performance to loosen your tongue."

"You can, but you won't. I need to speak to them, it's urgent."

"Fine, follow us."

We walked through a maze of streets and alleys until we finally turned into an alley that had a dead end. When we were almost at the end, Felix ducked down and lifted an iron grate.

Jane hopped into the hole, followed by the boy that seemed to be her brother. I hesitated only for a moment, but Demetri was not patient enough. He shoved me so I stumbled into the hole.

It was dark and damp down in the corridor, but with my eyes I could see that there was nothing threatening about the place. The threat came from the vampires around me. Each one of them looked forward to taking care of me once the command was given to kill me.

I was glad to know that there were so many of them that were eager to kill me. I would have a quick relief, I was sure of it.

_Don't do this_, her voice whispered.

_I have to._

We passed through another hole in the ground, emerging inside the castle in a reception area of sorts. I followed the smaller vampires down several hallways until the stopped in front of a set of double doors.

Jane knocked gently and stood waiting in an almost demure pose.

"Enter."

The boy shoved the doors open. I was ushered into a large room, which was decorated like it was the throne room of a king, but instead of one throne there were three.

They were occupied by the three ancient vampires Carlisle had told me so much about over the years. I glanced over every one of the and quickly found the one who was the spokesman of the three brothers, Aro.

The man reached out his hand, beckoning Jane over and laying his hand on the hand she offered him. I had to bite back a gasp as I saw the flashes of her memories flit across his brain. It was more than I could clearly see, but in that instant Aro saw every last thought her mind had ever held and by extension I did too.

"Hmmm," Aro mused. "You have me intrigued, boy. Do tell, who are you and what is your purpose with us." He waved his hand around to indicate the group that dwelled around him.

"I am Edward Cullen, I believe you are acquainted with my father."

Aro's eyes lit up in surprise. He hadn't expected Carlisle to have made it this long.

"Tell me, is Carlisle still on this strange diet of his or did he find out it wasn't possible after all?"

"No, sir. He still holds to his beliefs."

Aro nodded, looking contemplating, but his mind was shrouded. He managed to keep part of his thoughts hidden, I could sense it, but I couldn't decipher it and it was starting to aggravate me.

One of the guards must have sensed a form of agitation from me, because all of a sudden I was held down by Felix and Demetri.

"Well, Edward, it seems that Renata gets the impression you are going to be a danger to me if the boys don't hold you down. Care to explain why she might think that?"

I stood, motionless, trying to control my irritation. When I finally tampered down the urge to hurry the matter along, I looked up at Aro calmly.

"I request death," I breathed steadily.

Aro's brow puckered ever so sightly, surprised by my request. He motioned me forward.

"Give me your hand, I will need to see why you wish this of us," he drawled.

I stepped forward, palm outstretched and up. Aro closed the remaining distance and put his hand on mine. All memories I had even had, all thought I ever held flashed through his mind and back into mine. It almost hurt for me to process, because my mind wasn't used to taking in this much information in such a short time.

The resounding memory, though, was of her. Of my Bella.

For the first time in months I could think her name without feeling like I was ripping at the seams. Only because I knew I would follow after her, one way or another.

"Felix, take him to the other chamber, we will deliberate."

* * *

_A/N: I hope I am still giving enough credit to the original work. Let me know what you think and any suggestion are very welcome._


	14. Chapter thirteen

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing Twilight related.

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Chapter Thirteen

While the Volturi deliberated, I listened to the minds around them, learning how this odd group worked. Their dynamics were somewhat forced, although several of the guard truly felt at peace with this life. The relished the trips abroad where they could punish those who stepped out of line and were looking forward to the next time they needed to go.

I caught a brief flash of Jane's thoughts about hunting down my family to punish them for letting a human in on their secret, but she knew, now that Bella was dead, she had no just cause.

I grew restless, because the brothers had made sure to stay out of my range of mindreading for their deliberation and the longer they waited, the more restless I became. I wanted to move, but Felix was ever vigilant and I knew in my unfed state I was no match for him, not in terms of speed and definitely not in terms of strength.

At the same time I realized that Alice would have seen my decision right now and she would most likely be hurrying to get here, no matter how much risk she would be taking by coming here. Her talent was most certainly one to appeal to Aro. I had already seen his lust for adding a new talent to his collection when he read my thoughts about her.

He saw us as the perfect couple. Virtual omniscience. He did not, however, note how fickle Alice's talent really was and I wondered why. I have thought about it, which meant Aro knew, but for some reason he chose to ignore that little fact. It might have something to do with his insatiable craving for power over our world. He wanted to truly rule as a king, even if it meant betraying his own brothers.

I had seen in his mind the brief flash of a memory when he saw the connection I had felt with Bella. He was the one who killed his brother's mate when Marcus had wanted to leave his brothers. Aro didn't care how strong their bond was, he only cared about losing his power should his brother leave their still small coven.

Marcus had never truly recovered from the loss of his mate, but he stayed simply because he had no other reason to live. He had at one time considered doing what I was asking for now, but he never dared, knowing his brothers would never agree to it.

I was shaken from my thoughts, when Jane flitted into the room. She gave me a lecherous smile and wondered briefly what I would look like in her bed, but I couldn't be bothered to care about it. It was time to hear the brother's decision.

Instead of the luxurious room I had been in earlier, I was now taken to a damp inhospitable hall that I quickly learned was used to either punish vampires who had stepped out of line, or lure in the throngs of tourists they feasted on every week. I saw images of several slaughterings that had taken place there, but again I could not begin to care. I wanted peace, I wanted to be with my Bella again.

I nearly sighed at the idea of joining her in heaven, if I was even allowed there. My stomach dropped at the thought of not being allowed an afterlife with her. It would be likely, though. I could easily be denied access to heaven due to all the things I had done.

It was strange that in that moment I never doubted I had a soul to go on to the afterlife. I was suddenly one hundred percent certain I would indeed have a soul.

Aro cleared his throat, probably aware that I had zoned out of what was going on and I could see in his mind he detested being ignored. I refocused on him, smiling apologetically.

"I apologize, Aro. I am sure you do not want to hear my excuses, but I am famished and tired of life without her. I did not mean to insult you by getting distracted."

"Ah, my dear boy. It is so sad to see a young man like you suffer so greatly. I wonder, how did you resist her blood? She was your singer after all, the one human that none of us should be able to resist and yet you could. You could hold her close to your body without getting tempted. You could kiss her mouth without wanting to nip. I admire your strength, Edward, I honestly do."

He paused, but he was successfully blocking his thoughts from me, so I had no inclination as to what he wanted to say next.

"Edward, I am sorry, but we cannot do as you wish. It is such a waste of talent to destroy you. Our world needs one like you, Edward. I would like to offer you a position with our guard. In time I think you will see that you will be capable of living on without your Bella and make a life for yourself with us here. We have such a long life ahead of us when you have eternity, I am sure you will be able to get past your grief."

I stopped listening for a second. If they would not do this willingly, I would force their hand.

"Thank you for your offer, Aro. I appreciate the sentiment, but I really must decline."

"Such a shame. But, as you wish. You are free to go. We suggest you stay in our city for a while and think about our offer again. You are welcome to come back should you change your mind."

"Thanks again, Aro. I will take some time to think about your offer again. I wish you all well."

"Until we meet again, Edward," Aro spoke with an air of certainty.

I saw that he expected my next move and therefore expected to see me again. I was sure I would not disappoint.

I was escorted out of the building by Felix and Demetri, who were highly disappointed in Aro's decision to just let me walk. I thought about provoking them, but thought better of it. I was better suited with a plan to expose what I was in a public setting.

When I was outside and alone, plans started forming in my head. On the breeze I caught the faint whiff of a floral smell. Something slightly reminiscent of Bella's blood and it called to me. My throat burned painfully and I marvelled at the idea of hunting within the city walls of Volterra.

I let my senses take over and allowed my legs to carry me towards the heavenly smell of human blood. The monster roared in pleasure as I unleashed it from it's tight restraints. I could feel the shift within me as I followed the mouth watering aroma.

In the distance I heard the erratic thoughts that belonged to the scent. I could tell the person was dreaming. I smiled. The combination of the smell of blood, fresh and pumping life through it's vessel and the images of simple dreams was strangely enticing. I wanted to strike so badly.

I scaled the wall up to the bedroom where I could hear the steady thumping of a heart. When I peered in through the window, I halted my movements. It was a girl, maybe eight or nine. Her youth did not stop me, though, it was her hair that made me freeze. It was played across her pillow in dark brown waves. Immediately the image of Bella popped up in my head and I jumped down to the ground.

I would find someone else. Someone who did not remind me of Bella. I scanned the thoughts that were coherent and found a baker who was remembering his forceful night with his wife. He had enjoyed forcing himself on her and I figured he would be my best choice.

I found him quickly and was about to strike, when I heard her.

_Edward, stop it, right now! Don't you even dare think about it. Are you willing to throw away your soul because you are pissed with Aro? Huh?! Don't you dare!_

What would you have me do, love?

_I'll have you alive. Don't go on these suicide missions, Edward. Think of your family._

I shook my head to clear her voice away, but it had managed to dissuade me from the idea of hunting.

Again a vast array of plans popped into my head, but then I saw the sky lighten above me and the most simple solution, the least destructive, the easiest, jumped out at me and wouldn't leave my mind.

From a small group of humans nearby I learned that today was Saint Marcus day, which meant the main square would be filled with people today. It would be a perfect stage for my plan. The Volturi would have no choice but to take care of me if I would step into the sun with thousands of humans around.

I would wait for noon when the festivities were at their high point. It would be kind of poetic too. The day I had showed myself in the sunlight to Bella was the day we first proclaimed we loved each other and now I would use the same method to be with her for all eternity.

Time crept by and my thoughts occasionally flickered to my family. I was sure they would miss me, but I knew they would get over their loss in time. I just hoped Alice would be too late and would not get caught in the middle when the time came.

I silently prayed that God would keep her from the Volturi's clutches. She deserved her happiness with Jasper. She deserved her eternity. When noon approached I slowly walked to the mouth of the alley to the side of the bell tower. It was almost time.

I silently said my goodbyes to Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. I silently wished them a happy life. I silently offered my remorse to Charlie and Renee for being the cause of their daughter's death. I silently begged for God to let me see her at least one more time after I died.

The bell tolled. I closed my eyes and saw her.

My Bella.

My love.

Her face was so clear in my head that it felt like she was right there with me in my last moments on this earth. I felt every cell in my body ache to be with her and I yearned for the release of this pain. Her lovely brown eyes were stern, her mouth pressed into a tight line. She was angry.

"_Don't do this,"_ she begged me in her bright voice.

_I'll be with you soon._

"_Don't!"_ She was furious now, her eyes blazing, her voice harsh.

Overhead the bell tolled again. The heavy chime booming through the alley and out to the square. The sun was at it's peak and I took a large step forward. In my mind I saw the tears forming in her eyes as she yelled at me.

My furious little kitten.

From further away I could hear her screaming.

"No! Edward look at me!"

_I am looking at you. _

_I love you._

I smiled and raised my foot to take the step that would put me into the light and out of my misery.

* * *

_A/N: So here's the next chapter. From here on out things will get back to the plotline of the book. I hope you still like how I approached this, I would love to hear what you think._

_Love, Mo_


	15. Chapter fourteen

**Disclaimer: All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**

Chapter fourteen

As far as I could tell I hadn't even taken that last step when I felt a small warm body slammed into me, light as a feather. My arms encircled her, knowing she would fall back otherwise. I knew I had to have moved though, because I could smell my Bella, my sweet loving Bella. I must have taken that step and the guards must have extinguished me in the same second. That had to be the explanation.

But I had Bella in my arms and the pain I had once felt when I was away from her was gone. I silently thanked God for giving me some time with her after death. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at her. My Bella.

She looked as beautiful as ever, her eyes shone, her cheeks were flushed and she was panting like she had run forever to get to me. I had to admit that I was surprised by how painless everything had been.

"Amazing," I murmured absently. "Carlisle was right.

"Edward," my angel rasped, barely above a whisper. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

Why would I move when I had everything I needed right here in my arms? I could sense that she was trying to push against me. Did she not want to be held by me? No, that simply couldn't be. Her eyes were frantic, though, something I hadn't exactly expected to see when opening my eyes to the after life.

Another thing I hadn't expected was her rapid fluttering heart, or her harsh breaths. She seemed so panicked, so rushed, but why?

The my mind went back to the last seconds of my existence on earth. She must have tried to stop me, even from the other side. That must have been it.

"I can't believe how quick it was," I mused aloud now. "I didn't feel a thing, they're very good."

My eyes closed on their own accord as my lips found the top of her head to press a gentle kiss there. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath no power yet upon thy beauty_," I whispered into her hair. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead," her sweet voice interrupted me. "And neither are you! Please, Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

It couldn't be? Could it? My Bella had perished, I had died too.

"What was that?" I asked, despite my conviction of being in hell or heaven or whatever version of an after life this was.

"We're not dead yet!" I blinked as her words sunk in. Her beating hear,t her panting breath, the sweet delicate perfume of her blood.

"But we have to get out of here before the Volturi.."

I knew she was right, we weren't dead, but we were now both in danger of getting killed very easily. Before she could finish her thought, I pulled her back into the shadows. I placed her with her back against the wall as I stood before her in a protective stance, facing the directions of where I could now distinguish the thoughts of Demitri and Felix.

How could I have been so careless? Again I put her in danger. If I could have, I would have hurt myself, but at that moment all that counted was keeping Bella safe from all harm.

I could feel her shift behind me, undoubtedly trying to peer around me to see who was coming. Demetri caught Bella's scent and he smirked evilly, thinking about how sweet her blood would be, while Felix just looked forward to ridding the earth of my presence. I struggled to keep myself in check before addressing them.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said as calmly as I could muster. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

Felix growled low enough so Bella wouldn't hear. "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" he asked smoothly, but the warning tone in his voice was not to be mistaken.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

Demetri smirked. "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun." He kept his voice as smooth as he could, his mind swirling with ways to get Bella away from me. I gritted my teeth against the anger that bubbled up within me. "Let us seek better cover," he added.

I knew they wanted Bella to come with us, but I did not want to even think about it as an option. "I'll be right behind you. Bella," I said, glancing at her over my shoulder," why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

Felix hissed in annoyance. "No, bring the girl," he whispered. _Aro will be interested in her. She's such a beauty and obviously talented, since she can block you little Edward_, he taunted silently.

"I don't think so," I answered both his spoken words as his thoughts.

I crouched a little, ready to defend Bella with everything I had.

_Aw, will you look at that. The boy's going to try and defend her while he hardly has any strength left_, Demetri smirked.

Bella's bearly spoken 'no', made me realize I would only make things worse if I were to attack them here, with all the people watching. The would kill Bella in a flash and I couldn't let that happen.

"Shh," I tried to reassure her.

"Felix," Demetri warned, "Not here." He faced me again with an attempt to a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force out hand after all."

I knew this was coming, but I had to try and get Bella out safely. If Aro were to see her, he would want her for his guard and I was not going to let that happen. Bella still deserved a normal life.

"Certainly, but the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri drawled. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then I'm afraid I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

Felix was starting to get excited. He looked forward to a fight. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was Emmett's evil brother.

"That's just fine," he purred. Growing more and more excited.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri reminded both me and Felix.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I griped.

Both vampires decided at the same moment that if I didn't come willingly, I had given them the right to kill me right here, right now. They moved closer to the end of the alley. From the way they instinctively moved together, you could easily tell that they have worked together for a long time.

I didn't move, though. I would die before I left Bella unprotected. I listened intently to their plans, but they managed to keep their thoughts reasonably blank. I scanned the area, trying to find a way out when a very familiar mental voice called out to me.

_Edward, calm down_. Alice urged me.

I heard her jump down from the high walls at the other end of the alley. My head snapped towards her, as did those of Felix and Demetri.

_Well, that's not good_, Felix thought, hating the evening of our numbers.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice said softly. "There are ladies present.

_Edward, I still see Bella as one of us, so please, calm down. We'll get her out of here safely, I'm sure of it._

I wanted to scoff, but knew better than to argue with her at this particular moment. She came up beside me, looking to the world like she was completely at ease in this hostile situation. Of course, seeing what she was thinking, made me realize how well she was playing her part.

The guards, however, straightened out of their hostile stance, extremely unhappy with the evening out of the numbers.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded all of us gently.

Demetri glanced over his shoulder. There was a family watching us. I heard the woman murmur to her husband about getting the _carabinieri_. She didn't like the way things looked with all of us staring each other down. Her thoughts were a blurry mess, but she was mostly worried about Bella and Alice. She remembered getting cornered in the city not too long ago by a few young boys who wanted to touch her. She barely made it out without getting hurt, but the memory remained and she wanted to protect Alice and Bella

When Demetri caught her eyes, she quickly looked away, her human instinct to flee surging to new heights. Her husband, who had been hesitant, eventually stepped up to one of the police officers nearby and tapped one of them on his shoulder.

Demetri turned back to me, shaking his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

I knew he didn't mean it like that, but I had to try. He huffed. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

I knew we had gathered an audience, but that was my best chance at getting us out of here, without taking Bella into the mouth of hell, so to speak. But Demetri's mind was determined on getting her to Aro, so he could see if she was truly as gifted as he suspected.

I snapped my teeth together. "No," I growled.

Felix smiled, again hoping to get my engaged in a fight, but then the moment was lost when my worst nightmare walked up to us.

"Enough," Jane's high pitched voice commanded from behind us.

* * *

_A/N: Well, waht did you think so far? Of course, from here on out you will know what to expect, but I hope I can still give it enough Edward-ness to make it a good read._

_Love,_

_Mo_


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